Why am I doing this?

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I left work {on time!! – this is a feat in itself!} Tuesday and headed to the west side of Akron with one goal in mind: go to yoga.

I had some time to spare between work + yoga and had to grab a couple of things from the  mall, so I made a pit stop. While I was wandering, this internal dialogue was going on in my head:

I’m so tired. Do I really want to go to yoga? Ugh. I know I should, but I’m so tired. And my body is so pregnant. And it’s difficult to move through poses. Maybe that’s why I need to go. Yes, that is why I need to go. OK. I’m going. But I’m just so tired. Shouldn’t I go home and rest on the couch? Go to bed early? Sigh.

I drove across the street to the yoga studio. I got out of my car and forced myself to go inside. I put my mat down, I changed into my yoga gear and I committed to it.

The yoga teacher started class by talking about an internal struggle she personally had while going for a run. She wanted to give up, but she asked herself “Why am I doing this?” And then she answered her own question.

It really resonated with me at that moment. Part of every yoga practice is to be present. It’s something that I constantly am reminding myself, and a huge struggle for me. In a way, I had one of these very moments just prior to committing to being on my mat that night.

I realized what really brought me to that particular yoga class was on the most basic level, my need to stretch. But much more than that, was the need for community. I use to spend all of my time at the studio. Now that I’m {very} pregnant, I’m less mobile and feel much more physical and emotional uncomfortable on my mat. But I miss class. I miss the studio. I miss the people and the teachers.

When I started to think about it, we have these moments each day of our lives. Personally, I know I question pretty much every decision I make. It’s time to start answering myself honestly and acknowledging the reasons, the good and the bad, that I am doing this; that I am being present in this moment; regardless of how superficial those reasons may be. It opens up a huge path to discovering more about your authentic self.

And I’m all about that self-discovery. And these little gems of wisdom are just another reason I will continue to visit my yoga mat.