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Disclaimer: I’m not advocating for only breastfeeding babies. Ultimately, it’s a very personal decision. I believe fed is best. Period. I’m just sharing my personal adventure with breastfeeding.
I didn’t expect to find myself here, deep in this previously unknown grief. Remy Bea was such an awful baby — screaming and furious most of her days (and nights), riddled with UTIs gone undetected for months. At the time it was all I could do to wish she would take a bottle. I had been pumping so that someone — anyone other than me — could spend a few moments with her, day or night.
But she just refused. She needed me. Literally, she needed me for comfort and for nourishment. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a postpartum mom. And I was collapsing from the weight of all of that pressure. In my darkest moments of her screaming and my body aching from constant feedings, I would lose it. My mind, that is. And I mean that in the realest sense. (See more on my PPD+A struggles here).
When all you feel as a new mom is darkness. • When all you want to do as a new mom is cry. • When it actually hurts you to smile. • Know you’re not alone. ❤️ Maternal Mental Illness affects 1 in 7 Mothers. I’ve linked up with 3 amazing women (@_themillennialmomblog_, @thesimplemomlife & @bstampedbritt) who have shared their experience, and continue to spread awareness. No mom should ever feel alone because we are all in this together! <<link in profile>> • • • • • #imsobloggingthis #ppdsurvivor #parenthood #honestlymothering #mentalhealthawareness #postpartumdepression #postpartumanxiety
Just as I knew it would, our breastfeeding journey got easier. It got exponentially easier once she started really eating solid foods. I felt a relief that I was no longer her sole source of nourishment. I knew that we had made it through the toughest parts.
And now we’re here — 18 months into our breastfeeding journey together — and I can tell she’s far less interested in nursing. In fact, the only time she nurses is first thing in the morning (for approximately 90 seconds), and in the evening before bed (which is likely more of a comfort-feed than a nourishment-feed). And while she’s generally less interested, I’m becoming more and more aware that our days are numbered.
But I’m lucky — SO LUCKY! — to have been able to achieve the milestone of 18 months. And I’m so proud of myself — and Miss Bea — for sticking it out for this long. So during this World Breastfeeding Week (August 1st – August 7th) and National Breastfeeding Month (August), I’m going to soak up every last breastfeeding snuggle; I’m going to embrace any opportunities to bond; and I’m going to let her call the shots from hereon out. We’re on this journey together; we’ve both fought the good fight; and she’s going to finish on her terms. ♥ ♥