tales from a working mom

#FreeToBe A Busy Mom //

May 25, 2015 by Rachel Leave a Comment

My main life-goal for the last couple of years has been to find as much balance in life as possible. Not just with work and home, but with all the other “to-dos” that creep up on us on the daily. However, family is the most important; family trumps everything else. So I have to find a delicate balance between the real world and real life. It hasn’t always been easy, and I’m often looking for tips and tricks from friends and family. So I thought I’d share a few of the things that keep me on track. It’s not so much a schedule, but a way of keeping my life in the present moment. Sure that means scheduling a few things, but it also means cutting myself some slack as needed so that I’m #FreeToBe whomever I need to be in that moment.

Cleaning the house. //

I have tried and tried to create a “cleaning calendar” for myself. But I just can’t. Inevitably, the days when the bathroom needs most cleaned are not days when it is scheduled. Dishes are in constant rotation. And what’s the point of doing the dishes and not cleaning the whole kitchen? And once the kitchen counters are cleaned, OF COURSE I have to vaccuum! … you can see where this is headed. When I “clean,” I clean everything. That doesn’t mean our house is spotless, but it does mean I try to keep some order to it.

It often is accompanied by a glass of wine right after Moosh goes down for bed. I just hurry and clean everything, pick up all the toys, vacuum real fast, and done (for now)! But I’m free to focus on my husband for the rest of the evening!

Keeping playtime about play. //

I’ve learned over the last two and a half years that ‘scheduled play’ is a lot less fun that just free play time. Sure, I’ll still bring Moosh to the art museum for some culture and play; but letting him turn empty paper towel rolls into swords is a lot more fun for everyone. During these moments I try and give him as much of my attention as possible.

I have to admit, this can still be a struggle. It’s hard to not want to ‘pick up’ as he’s playing. But most of the time I refrain. Hey – it’s a balance, am I right?

Managing a laundry schedule. //

The one chore I *do* schedule is laundry. We have enough clothes between the three of us for a constant rotation. Loads of laundry are done 4 days a week (hey, that’s better than everyday!). I clean the towels, sheets, and any area rugs on Sunday, so that everything is fresh for the week.

We are an all free clear laundry detergent household so that Moosh can live free from sensitive skin worries! I suffered from skin irritations as a kid and Moosh does as well, so we try and limit the exposure he has to irritants. And we wouldn’t want his “Blankie Tom” (his Thomas the Train blanket) that he snuggles with all night (and all day) to irritate him now would we!?

Making my husband a priority. //

This is the reason I try and keep my chores like cleaning and laundry to specific days and times. Because when all is said and done, at the end of the day, I want a few minutes alone with my husband. We can be so busy with taking care of the house, working, and raising our little family that we “forget” to make one another a priority. So we schedule time for just us. Even if that means getting a sitter so we can go to dinner or lunch alone!

We’ve learned over time that we operate better as a team. Sure, we’re both great at flying solo; but when it comes to our life as we know it now? Well, we just compliment each others strengths and weaknesses.

Meal planning. //

I have to admit – I’m a terrible meal planner. However, I am getting better. One of the ways I have “gotten better” at meal-planning is by cleaning out our refrigerator once a week — the evening before trash pickup day! That way I can (shamefully) toss the leftovers we have let expire and see what we have upcoming for the week that needs to be used. Doing so, along with regularly assessing the contents of our pantry, helps me to get ideas for the upcoming week. If I’m missing an ingredient for something, I simply add it to my to-do list to pick up the next time I’m at the store.

I’ll admit it — sometimes life goes off the rails a bit… but that’s the beauty of it — you can get right back on track! Just cut yourself some slack and give yourself space so you can be #FreeToBe a busy mom!

the art of juggling // TFAWM an update of sorts

April 9, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

Guys. Let’s just cut to the chase: It sucks. Working and being the mom of a toddler sucks the big one. It’s exhausting. And I constantly feel pulled in a thousand different directions. And it is the fault of no one. It just is the life of a mom. Because moms put that kind of pressure on themselves completely on their own. I try to do it all well; but something always suffers. The thing I’ve learned in the last couple of years? The thing that suffers will NOT be my family.

Still, there are people — WOMEN MOSTLY — who say “When you’re at work, 100% focus on work; when you’re at home, 100% focus on home.” Newsflash: It isn’t that easy. For one, being a mom isn’t something you can ‘shut off.’ There’s always a parent-related to-do list that’s ongoing (ie. “Target trip: Pick up diapers after work; Must leave at exactly 5PM to make sure I pick him up from the sitter on time.”). My mind is always juggling these things. And we’re pretty much always on call for an emergency. Sure, when you’re at home with your kids, those things happen. But imagine getting that dreaded call or text from the sitter while you’re in the middle of something important at work… your mind instantly wanders because HOLY CRAP MY KID HAS AN EGG ALLERGY AND NEEDS TO BE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL. (Yes, this actually happened).

And when I pick him up from the sitter my thought process is as follows: “OK, I need to get him exhausted. I’ll take him to the play place for an hour. Then home to eat a super quick dinner. And then maybe a bath? Wait, who am I kidding. We won’t have time for that. It’s straight to bed. Then I have to clean, do laundry and the dishes. Maybe I’ll get to sit down for an hour before bed? Probably not.”

Really the juggling consists of dropping the ball — A LOT. I just pick up the balls and start juggling again. You kind of just have to roll with the punches and imperfections that come along with doing it all.

And for every mom who I hear say “Well I did it with TWO kids.” or “So-and-so is doing it without a problem,” I. Don’t. CARE. They are not me. And I am not them. We are all different. The one thing that binds all of us is motherhood. And that is what should unite us. Whether you are a working mom, a SAHM, a WAHM, a part-time working mom, whatever — we are all juggling.

Some have found their niche. For some that means juggling a mega career. For others that means spending all day everyday at home with little ones. And there is no judgment in which of those paths you choose to take and make your own.

Wherever each of us is on the spectrum, we’re all just doing the best that we can with our personal circumstances. For me? I thought I wanted to be a working mom. Now? Now it’s becoming clear that this path I chose may not be the best for me. Or for our family. Especially if we ever want to expand it further.

And that’s OK. I’m evolving. Perhaps I’m not evolving to everyone standards…. but I don’t need to. I’m evolving based on mine and my families needs. And I’m tired of feeling sorry about it; I’m tired of feeling guilt about not wanting my career to be my main goal; and I’m tired of explaining and/or defending myself. So I’m no longer going to. That’s all.

Sidenote: I recognize that I’m completely lucky to have a partner who is completely supportive. This mommy thing would be a lot harder on my own. But from all of the two-parent mamas I’ve spoken with, the consensus seems to be that moms take the day-to-day child-rearing burden — but fret not dads — we choose that on our own!! And if you tried to steal those things (like making doctors appointments, scheduling swim lessons, etc), we simply WOULD NOT LET YOU. No offense. Moms are just weird like this. 🙂

Additional sidenote: I don’t have ANY idea where this post is/was headed; but I just needed to put it out there. So here you go, universe. Until next time.

the evolution of a working mom. (PS. I’m sorry for all of the judgment before)

March 17, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

I recently came across this article about how childless women judge working moms. I admit – I’m completely guilty of this. In fact, when we found out we were expecting Ari, one of my fears was how this unexpected pregnancy was going to affect my career. Even long before our unexpected pregnancy, I would think to myself “If I ever end up pregnant, I would still want to work full time. How could anyone want to give up something so fulfilling as working outside of the home?”

Even after Ari was born, I looked forward to going back to work. Sure, not right away. I definitely enjoyed my maternity leave. Well, scratch that – I loved the fact that I didn’t have to juggle work and getting absolutely zero sleep for three months. And having the holidays off didn’t hurt, that’s for sure.

But I looked forward to going back to work. I remember it being more sweet than bitter. I wanted to be around real talking human beings. I mean, I had it rough at home — Ari was colicky for months and months. He refused to sleep and spent most of the day (probably 20 out of 24 hours) screaming and crying. It was awful. So I practically RAN back to work. Seriously.

That feeling lasted for months after I went back to work. And shortly after Ari started sleeping through the night, something started to change. And not just the feeling of being semi-rested; but something in me started to ache to spend more time with Ari.

And that’s part of what prompted me to change my position at work for a job that provided me with more daytime hours with Ari. My work day started at 2pm instead of 8am which gave me plenty of time to have lazy mornings with him. And for a while, that was fulfilling enough. Sure, that meant I had to give up Saturdays to work instead of spending it with Chad and Ari. But the benefits outweighed that con.

Over the last year, perhaps after Ari started becoming less of a baby and more of a toddler, things have majorly shifted for me.

I ache — my whole heart aches — to spend time with Ari and — even I can’t believe this — but to do house-keeping and super domestic things nonstop. I want to spend my time raising my child and doing laundry; I want to help potty train him and do the dishes; I want to vacuum every day and have time to try to learn to cook. I want to be able to work just part-time; just enough to get my fill of adult conversation.

I also think it would make me happier if I was able to be that kind of mom who stayed at home with Ari. But I know that this is not in the cards for us; it’s not something that is financially possible. At least not at this time.

I just can’t believe I’m now this person. I can’t believe I judged working moms for feeling this way. I’ve verbalized this judgment over and over again before having Ari; and for that, I feel incredibly guilty.

A girl I work with has been known to say the same types of things that I used to say about not being able to even imagine NOT wanting to work. It took everything I had to bite my tongue. I knew my words were useless with her. She would never believe me. She would never believe how much a little person could change someone so much. She would never believe how I, the same person who never ever wanted to have a child, could have so drastically changed my outlook on childrearing.

I don’t know if there’s a purpose to this post other than to just put it out there into the universe. Maybe it’s so that I can keep focused on my main goal, which is to be in a position where I can spend my time focused on my family and our household. However, in the meantime, my family will always, always, be first. Chad and Ari are the only things that are important to me; everything else is secondary — everything else is replaceable. But those two? Irreplaceable. And they are my absolute everything.

survival + small victories = supermom!

January 7, 2015 by Rachel 4 Comments

I know I’m not alone when I say that most days I feel like I’m just surviving.

Get up. Drop Moosh off at the sitter. Rush to work. Survive 8+ hours at work. Pick up Moosh. Entertain Moosh/survive until his bedtime. Do chores. Workout. Sit down. Fall asleep. Wake up. Repeat.

Hum drum. Blah. Ugh.

But after the holidays — and after surviving the flu — I’m back on track. And if there’s one thing I love more than organization and structure,… well, it’s nothing. I love being on a schedule. I love checking things off my to-do list. And I love the feeling of a less-than-thrilling day becoming exciting by accomplishments!

So I celebrate the small victories.

I celebrate the fact that I made it to the gym after work last night. And that I cooked dinner for tonight while Moosh was playing with his trains before bed. Oh – and I vacuumed the whole house, did the dishes, straightened up, and started laundry. There’s nothing that can make me feel more like a super mom than getting s**t done. Am I right!?

I am mom. And I am superwoman! TELL ME I’m not the only one who feels this way!? … or don’t. That’s cool too. I would be totally fine knowing that I really am the ONLY person in the world who feels this way.

If you need me, I’ll be over here basking in the victory of motherhood and domesticity…

Happy 2nd Birthday, Moosh! //

October 16, 2014 by Rachel 3 Comments

I’m in shock and awe of the love that this little man that I love and adore more than words can express is now TWO WHOLE YEARS OLD. Where did the time go?! So yeah… the sappy part of me has been both excited and dreading writing this blog post. Two+ years of memories all wrapped into one blog post. Easier said than done (that was the long way of saying this post will be extra-heavy on the pictures).

Fast forward through 9 months of a nearly perfect pregnancy. The support of my incredible doctors and my Bradley Method teacher (oh – and my husband!) brought me to this picture.

Forty-weeks doesn’t mean you’ll just go into labor. I knew that. But at 41 weeks I decided I didn’t want to spend more than one week of my maternity leave sans baby. So I went to see an acupuncturist. And within hours I went into active labor.

That active labor lasted for 24-hours. It was an absolutely awful experience (you can read about it here and here — it’s a long ass intense story).

Throw in nine-months of colic for two brand new parents with a side of PPD… it was a rough first year. But looking back, there were a lot of genuine smiles and laughs, too.

After last years Yo Gabba Gabba major first birthday bash, I’m over the mega-birthday party. Today Moosh, the mister & I will be celebrating in the best ever low-key way… pizza, cake & presents!

So I guess what I’m saying is… Moosh — your smile, your curiosity and your belly laugh are the things that my dreams are made of; dreams I never even knew I had until you showed me. So thank you. I love you. Stay this way forever. Please?

New Mommy Must-Haves // Part 2

September 24, 2014 by Rachel 1 Comment

A funny thing happened after I posted Part 1 of the New Mommy Must-Haves — an acquaintance (one who does not read this blog) mentioned one of the items from that list as part of her “OMG I couldn’t live without it items,” and that’s when I knew… Moms — you for real need to heed this advice.

Tried, tested and true, these things are Mama approved! So here’s Part 2 of my New Mommy Must-Haves!

1. Infantino Sash Mei Tai Carrier // We have ALL of the carriers — The Bjorn, Moby Wrap, Ergo Baby, Sling, and Mei Tai. In my opinion, the Mei Tai is the easiest to use and the most portable (I can shove it in the diaper bag and pull it out as needed).

2. Honest Diapers // Diapers are two things: 1. Necessary; and 2. Something you don’t want to run out of. We have our diapers delivered thanks to Honest.com. Plus they are eco-friendly! Score!

3. My Pal Scout // Don’t underestimate the Scout… we did. Scout is Ari’s BFF. We were told this would happen and it did. You can program Scout to say all of your baby’s “favorites,” which are obviously yet to be determined. But start them young on what they ‘love.’ 😉

4. White Noise Machine // This machine is a lifesaver. Babies need noise to sleep. Simulate the noise in the mama’s womb by using the noise machine. In fact it’s practically required for me to hear on the baby monitor to get myself to sleep these days!

5. Shopping Cart Cover // Germs freak new parents out. We know we can’t avoid them at all costs; but when we CAN avoid them, we go to extremes to do so. Enter the shopping cart cover. Because your own kids’ germs are way cuter than any other kids’ germs.

6. Adan + Anais Swaddle Blankets. Read this: Do not bother buying any other swaddles. These swaddles are soft and large enough to actually swaddle your baby; no other swaddles will do this; but you will underestimate the importance of this. Don’t underestimate this life experience please. 😉

7. Boogie Wipes. When I first saw these at the store I thought “What a hyped up load of bologna!” But this could not be more false. These wipes are wonderful — saline, scented & soft… the only thing you will ever wipe your precious baby’s face with!

8. Netflix. Because there are lots of long nights where you are not sleeping. That is all.