postpartum

Letting Go Of Mommy Guilt //

March 12, 2017 by Rachel 47 Comments

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by your to-do list that you decide to take a nap instead? That was pretty much my life last week. I can’t even explain why, because I don’t quite understand it. Things are fine. Heck, things are more than fine.

But, still, I’ve been in a funk. A blog funk. And a whole life funk, if you will.

I just needed to break away from the incessant lists and chores; I needed to flake on my obligations and emails; and I needed to nap — a lot. So I did.

But not without guilt.

And then I started thinking — WHY, when this happens, do I feel guilty??

A break from everything must be what I needed. Right? I mean, without just coming home from work and napping while the kids napped last week, I don’t think I would have been even a semi-pleasant person to be around.

And ya know what? Everyone lived. Everyone lived with dirty dishes and clothes that needed folding; everyone lived with skipping karate and eating rotisserie chicken three times for dinner this week; everyone lived while caving in to toddler-demands of cereal for lunch and iPads before bed We. all. lived.

So I’m letting go of all the guilt. And going forward, I’m giving myself permission. Permission to let go of control; permission to eat takeout; permission to neglect to-do lists; permission to take naps; and, most of all, permission to just live in the moment and raise happy and healthy kiddos.

How do you balance your to-do lists with self-care??

Breastfeeding Miss Bea //

December 18, 2016 by Rachel 11 Comments

I feel inspired, friends. Inspired to share my story of breastfeeding Remy Bea. It turns out, I haven’t actually mentioned anything specific about our journey, other than the fact that she won’t take a bottle.

So let me tell you a little bit about breastfeeding Miss Bea…

*Note: Until now, I’ve never shared a single photo of myself while breastfeeding. But, after seeing several other bloggers post tasteful, and colorful, photos of themselves on their own journey, I decided to share some of my own. And, gosh, this baby is just beautiful.*

The Beginning //

As soon as I met Miss Bea, she latched. Easily, happily, latched. It was perfect. She nursed and nursed and nursed. My milk even managed to come in at the hospital — not at all the norm!

But a couple of days after we came home, my breasts became engorged and my nipples inverted. As much as I tried to nurse her, I reached out for some physical support — the nipple shield.

With the assistance of the shield, she continued to nurse and continued to thrive. Even after the engorgement went away, I still had such an oversupply of milk that I kept using the shield just prevent her from choking on the surplus.

The Middle //

For some, it’s hard to judge a book by it’s cover. For me, it’s hard to judge our breastfeeding journey by it’s middle. The middle was riddled with doubts, anxieties, and so, so, very many sleepless nights. The struggle was real. For a long time.

So I just kept on breastfeeding her on-demand, which was every 3 hours. A very consistent, every three hours, per her rules (and screaming). It was just a game of survival.

There were many times I tried to get her to nurse without the shield. And each time, she would refuse and scream even more. It was a war of wills, and she won. I gave up the battle, but kept on at the breastfeeding war.

I thought for certain since she would only nurse with the shield, that she would undoubtedly take a bottle. But nope. Never. And because she was still nursing every three hours, even throughout the night, I was pretty much the only one who could care for her. It sucked.

There were so many times I thought about how much easier it would be to just give up. There were moments where people would say “You know, if she just tried formula in a bottle, I’m sure you could get some rest.” But, for personal reasons, this breastfeeding journey was non-negotiable for me.

We just kept on.

And then, after we finally bit the bullet and took Miss Bea to the chiropractor, things took a turn for the better. After several appointments, and several adjustments, our pediatric chiropractor suggested, quite strongly, that I give up dairy. Per the doctor, dairy is very hard on babies tummies; and Miss Bea’s system has been riddled with antibiotics because of her UTIs, which leaves her gut extra-sensitive.

So I began our dairy-free journey!

The Second-Middle //

I would call it something else, but I know we’re not anywhere near the end. Miss Bea is almost 11-months old and our breastfeeding journey is probably just halfway through.

But I’ve learned so much.

For one, I learned that I should have given up dairy when she started with the colic. I am stunned by the change in her mood and general temperament since removing dairy from my diet. So much so that I wish I would have just done it at the beginning. She’s seriously a different baby.

She still isn’t a great sleeper, but she is sleeping so much better than before. And she is just so much happier in general, which has made the no-bottle-feeding, only-taking-the-breastfeeding, feel so much more rewarding.

I’ve also learned that the relationship between a nursing baby and Mama is a special one. She will randomly glance up at me with her milk-drunk smile, and my heart will just explode into a million pieces. So although breastfeeding has been a major cause of stress and anxiety over the past 10.5 months, it’s also been one of the things to help bring me out of my postpartum depression.

The End //

We’re nowhere near the end of our breastfeeding journey. Yes, I’m one of those ‘breast is best,’ extended breastfeeding, Moms. No, I don’t plan on breastfeeding her until she’s 5, but at this point I’ll keep it up for as long as is appropriate for our family.

And for those of you that have followed us on our journey, thank you so much for your love and support. I’ve been amazed at how much ‘help’ a breastfeeding mother needs on her journey — especially emotional and mental support! So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Our Breastfeeding Journey // Best Breastfeeding & Breast Pump Tips + A GIVEAWAY

December 2, 2016 by Rachel 45 Comments

It’s taken me nearly two years of combined breastfeeding and pumping (from two different children) to finally stop feeling like such a novice. For those who are unfamiliar with our story, know that it hasn’t been an easy road — with either child.

But from the second I found out I was pregnant with Ari, I knew that breastfeeding was an important part of my journey as a Mama. And, unfortunately, Ari never seemed to latch. Even after his tongue tie was clipped, the latch issues persisted. So day one in the hospital, I found myself utilizing the hand pump that was offered to me. Our first days at home were no different. I would deliriously pump along to that mechanical pump sound as my husband offered Ari a bottle. Thankfully, he took a bottle like a champ.

The next 12 months of my life were riddled with the sound of that pump — every 3 hours. Yes. You read that correctly. Every three hours for 12 months. That is a lot of pumping!

This second time around I felt really ready. Remy latched immediately after birth. My milk even came in at the hospital, just 12 hours postpartum! Unheard of, right?? Well, it turns out my body was 100% ready for it’s second shot at breastfeeding. Thanks to all of those endless hours with my breastpump, I quickly developed an oversupply. So I pumped just one time a day — after our first morning feeding. That one time a day would result in 8-10 ounces of liquid gold per sitting!

I started just packing it away in the freezer. And even though Remy has yet to take a bottle, this milk has not gone to waste. I have donated hundreds and hundreds of ounces to local mothers in need of breastmilk for their babies. And anything I have left will be donated to Akron Children’s Hospital next year!

In the past few months I’ve had to dish out a ton of advice to my sister (a new mom, herself), so I thought I’d pass along the wisdom to you, too!

Don’t stress about pumping. Those first few weeks with your new baby are special… and? EXHAUSTING. Do yourself a favor: If pumping isn’t a necessity, just don’t do it yet. Get to know your baby, your body, and work on the latch. The pump will still be there in a few weeks.
Do your research on what is the best breast pump for you. Market research is great, but testimonials on pump designs are even better! Know a Mama that pumps? Ask her what she uses! For me, the Medela Double Pump In Style was my BFF with Ari; but the second time around, I found I needed something I could just whip out — so I’ve been using a simple Medela Manual hand pump.
Drink all of the water! You know those huge water jugs you get in the hospital (only to be outdone in size by the giant pads)? Well, you scoff at the amount of liquid they can hold. That is, until you find yourself stuck under a nursing infant for an hour and wonder, “Why the heck am I so thirsty??” You will be thirstier than you ever imagined possible.
Get comfortable. By this point, all self-consciousness you’ve had over people seeing your body should be gone. So just be. Really! Don’t worry about covering for company — if they are in your home, they should be okay with seeing you in all your glory. I found that those first few weeks of breastfeeding, my chest was exposed so much — I ended up putting a bathing suit coverup on over my nursing bra because it had the easiest access!
Ditch the underwire. Ladies. We’ve wasted countless hours trying to find the perfect underwire bra — uncomfortable as they may be — and now you have the freedom to ditch them! They are uncomfortable for engorged breasts. Do yourself a favor and find a comfortable, cotton, nursing bra. When you find one you like? Buy three.
Don’t be afraid to keep your baby in the room with you. Having your baby sleep in the same room as you, at least temporarily, can be a tremendous help. That way you won’t have to go far for those 2am feedings! This seems silly, but I swear it is tremendously helpful when you’re completely sleep deprived.
You will figure it all out. I promise. But in the meantime, don’t be afraid to ask for help — from friends; from family; heck, even from strangers! We’ve all done it. We’ve all asked for help.

Speaking of help — wouldn’t a $50 gift card help out right about now!? Use the Rafflecopter widget below to enter!

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And keep strong, Mamas! You’re doing a fantastic job!

This giveaway is a partnership with Nakturnal. As usual all opinions herein are my own. I have been compensated for this post.

My Postpartum Depression Story // An Update

November 18, 2016 by Rachel 14 Comments

Hi friends. I realize it’s been some time since I spoke about my Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I (finally) got to a place where I needed to step away from my thoughts and obsession (thanks, anxiety) with my sadness to really deal with it. Don’t get me wrong — the talking (and writing) about it certainly helped — a lot!

But I’d be lying if I didn’t credit my good friend Lexapro*. See, I accidentally went off of her when Remy was having all of her UTI issues. And I really put off getting in to see my doctor for a refill. It wasn’t because I thought I could live without it; it was simply that I was so tired of dragging two children between doctors and specialists. I was just plain exhausted.

When I finally saw my doctor I slowly began taking my prescription again. After a month or two, I felt a teeny bit better. It didn’t 100% ‘cure’ me, but it certainly helped level me out a little bit. And for those who may be skeptical, I should explain that I was honestly in a very, very, ugly place. To put it one way, I didn’t want to harm myself; but I also couldn’t imagine making it through another hour, day, or week. I’m not be dramatic. I truly couldn’t see past the fog.

Between the Lexapro and a baby that finally began to smile, laugh, and sleep (a little bit), the fog began to lift.

One of the hardest parts of PPD and anxiety is being able to get out of the circular thoughts. It just snowballs and snowballs and down the depressing rabbit hole you go! But with this glorious combination of events, I could finally break myself out of this line of thinking.

Sure, it still hits me. I still have moments where I’m paralyzed by my anxiety and anxious thoughts. But I’m also confident that I can think my way out of it; that I can see my way through it.

And that’s why I’m continuing to talk about it. Because maybe one of you — or maybe someone you know — needs to hear this; to know that they aren’t alone. And there’s just something about knowing you’re not alone in PPD-Anxiety that helps you through the fog.

Have you ever dealt with PPD/Anxiety? What helped you?

*I am not a physician. I am not advocating for medication, but, simply stating that it is part of my journey. Please consult your physician for help with depression and anxiety of any sort.

Remy Bea // 8 Months

September 30, 2016 by Rachel Leave a Comment

I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU! Seriously. I just took a peek back at my 7 month post and the changes from then to now are astonishing.

Let’s recap, shall we?

She’s sitting up. I mean, she kinda was before. But now she’s 100% unassisted, no-wobble, sitting up.
Speaking of no-wobble, she’s doing much more than just sitting up! She is standing! Nope, no crawling — yet! But the chiropractor and I are working on it! (More on that later!) She can push all the way up to all-fours — she can scoot across the floor on her back — but she just hasn’t crawled yet.

She’s playing independently. The other day I set her in the middle of the floor, sitting up, surrounded by toys, and I walked away. See, this child of mine? She’s been difficult (as if you didn’t know that!). But I mean, she has not let me out of her sight in the last 8 months. Until last week. She just … played. That ten minutes was sacred. Sacred, I tell you!
Over the last month she said Mama. A very, clear, Mama. I know, I know… Babies are supposed to say “Dada” first. But it comes as no surprise to us that she has chosen me. Because, girlfriend is Mama needy in the worst way, still!
The sippy cup is a fun toy. But she has yet to really drink from it. Oh, and still no bottle.
She is certainly responding to her name. And taking a lot of interest in people who are talking.
Food. This chick l-o-v-e-s food. She eats anywhere from 5-8 jars of food a day. !!!! This chick. Seriously. And she’s still nursing every few hours.

Shaking her head no is her jam. And it is the cutest thing in the universe!
I am able to steal exactly 31 minutes a day away from her. Watching Baby Genius Nursery Rhymes while jumping in her jumperoo is her most favorite thing to do. So I am able to hop on the treadmill for those 31 minutes. Oh, and she can still see me from where she is… so she “checks” in on me and keeps peeking in on me to make sure I’m still around.
We’ve been seeing the chiropractor for about 10 days now. So just before she turned 8 months. And in those 10 days we’ve seen quite a change. The doctor noticed that her flat(ish) skull and spine curve explains much of her (and our) misery. She’s been doing cranial sacrum therapy on her. And in the last week and a half, my up-all-night child has slept. I mean, she still wakes up a couple of times (and it sometimes takes her a while to fall back asleep), but she is sleeping more than before!

But I’ve also had to cut out dairy. The chiropractor thinks that because she has had UTIs and been on antibiotics, her gut isn’t as healthy as it should be. Enter probiotics and going dairy-free. It’s been a struggle, and I feel like I’ve been eating nothing but protein and veggies, but overall I think it’s making a difference in both of us!
She’s standing by her nickname, Monster. She growls like a freakin’ zombie. Actually, Ari randomly said that she should be a zombie for Halloween. On point, kid.

Things are far from perfect. But things are on their way. I’m just feeling a bit more optimistic these days. I’m not sure why. I just am. Perhaps my PPD is starting to fade? We shall see, friends! We shall see! For now, we’ll be enjoying this (semi)-happy baby we have.

Remy Bea // 7 Months

August 31, 2016 by Rachel 1 Comment

Guys – SO much has changed in a month. And I cannot believe she’s already been around for over half of a year!

Here’s a bit of a Seven Month Update:

She still isn’t sleeping well. But most nights I can get her to sleep and have about 3 hours before her first feeding of the night. So the hours from 8pm-11pm have been a saving grace for my sanity. Honestly. Because then she’s awake every 2ish hours from there on out. Blah!
No UTI’s this month! Hallelujah!
After her last round of antibiotics was complete, we started her on solids. Girlfriend l-o-v-e-s to eat! Seriously. Ari didn’t really show any interest in food until about 8 or 9 months. But this chick was showing interest in whatever I was eating or drinking for months now! So I really shouldn’t be surprised that she chows down on all of her baby food.

When she doesn’t get what she wants in a timely fashion (whether that be food or picked up), she growls and grunts.
Thanks to her love of food, girlfriend has packed on some serious L – Bs. She’s up to 14 lbs 13.5 ounces!
Her nicknames are: Miss Bea. Monster. And Chunka-Monk. Monster because that’s what she sounds like when she’s growling. And Chunka-Monk because girlfriend has some chunky legs and cheeks!
Her 3-6 month pants are officially snug on her little chunky thighs! It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced this with either child, so I was so happy to see her legs chunk up!
Miss Bea’s favorite foods are banana, peas, carrots, squash, and apples! I’m fairly certain this child is going to out-eat Ari for the rest of her life.
Still no bottle, friends. Super frustrating. However, over the weekend Chad took Remy on an excursion without me! The only way he is able to do this is because I nursed her right before she left and she’s eating so much food that she was OK until they arrived home!

I’m definitely still recovering from some PPD. It’s certainly not as bad. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll probably have noticed that. But I still have these moments where I just totally lose my s**t for what seems like no reason. Wait. Is this PPD or is this just motherhood?? Ha!
She’s totally sitting up and rolling over like a pro. She can push herself up to all-fours; but she doesn’t really have any interest in crawling yet. She can roll anywhere she needs to go! Ha!
The jumperoo and Baby Genius Nursery Rhymes are this girls JAM.

The old saying is true, the days sure are long (and painful, most times); but 12 months will be here before we know it! We still have bad days. Sometimes they are really bad days. But I finally have this glimmer of hope, thanks to the fleeting good moments!

So cheers, baby girl! I can already tell you’re going to give me a run for my money! But I look forward to being your best friend from now until forever! ♥

postpartum

*This giveaway is a partnership with Nakturnal. As usual all opinions herein are my own. I have been compensated for this post.*

This giveaway is a partnership with Nakturnal. As usual all opinions herein are my own. I have been compensated for this post.