babies

but wait! there’s more!

November 18, 2015 by Rachel 2 Comments

Because just when you think “nothing else can happen,” something does.

Like picking up your prescription and rear ending a girl leaving Target during her lunch break. Yep. That happened. Luckily [and yes, there really is a silver lining here], neither car was damaged — at all! However, I kinda hit her hard. Moosh and I were OK.

…until I was laying in bed with him and realizing my heart was beating out of my chest + it was difficult to take breaths.

Call the doctor and they send me back to triage.

Drag Moosh with me to triage at Akron City Hospital [dude was a champ, by the way]. Of course my blood pressure returns to normal at this point. But I happen to mention that “teeny” fender-bender I was in earlier. So they want to keep me for monitoring … for a minimum of 4 hours.

More blood work, more tests, ultrasounds to check organs, etc, later. I’m released. Exhausted. Had to take a quick shower before bed. Only to be left sleeping with a toddler [because when asked why he is scared to sleep in his room he simply answers, “jumanji”] who wants to be sure he’s touching mommy all night… but that means with his feet… in your face.

I can officially say it… I’m discouraged. Massively, massively, discouraged. I’m in pain. I’m having trouble breathing. I’m feeling sick. And I just don’t feel like myself. And I mentioned before that this pregnancy is causing me to be depressed; but I’m really saying it now — this pregnancy has me depressed. Seriously. I am counting down the weeks, days, hours… until I have a baby in my arms and out of my uterus.

because pregnancy.

November 17, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

As easy of a pregnancy as I had with Moosh, I was silly to assume this pregnancy would be equally as easy. I mean, TWO easy pregnancies?! Ha. Riiiight.

Yesterday I went to see my OB for just a general 30.5 week checkup (because I accidentally missed my actual 30 week checkup. Oops. #PregnancyBrain). I left work during lunch (with plans to eat my lunch at my desk when I returned). I left my computer on, left papers for home on my desk, and headed out. Only to find out that my blood pressure was crazy high when I got to the OB.

The nurses asked me, “Are you stressed? Did you hit traffic? Bad day at work?” And I just responded, “No. For once, I am not stressed.” To be honest, I can tell when my blood pressure is up; and it’s been frequent throughout this pregnancy. Often times when I stand up, move, or just simply climb a flight of stairs. It’s odd for me because when I’m not pregnant, my blood pressure is generally low.

In addition, apparently the “normal pregnancy symptoms” I’ve been complaining about to my husband/friends for the last several weeks are not all that normal. Well, not at least when combined with high blood pressure. Apparently then they are ‘alarming.’

I’m measuring ahead of schedule (even though my belly is so much smaller than it was with Moosh).

I’m having frequent headaches and seeing stars in my vision.

And I’m SO uncomfortable. Like, I was only this uncomfortable with Moosh when I was 40-41 weeks. I can’t even sit up straight because there is so much pain in my upper abdomen — right below my ribcage.

Little did I know that these things + high blood pressure = no bueno. So they need to rule out hypertension/preeclampsia.

So they sent me to triage at Akron City Hospital where I had four hours of monitoring and testing before determining, inconclusively, that I would NOT be admitted. Instead I have to get rid of a bacteria they found via an antibiotic so that they can test me again next week and not receive skewed results.

So now we wait. If my ‘symptoms’ get any worse, it’s back to triage I go!

Somehow I managed to remain mostly calm throughout this whole process. I told Chad to stay at work and Ari stayed with the sitter until Chad picked him up at his normal time. I suppose that one thing that this pregnancy has taught me is to roll with the punches. So it’s almost funny that my blood pressure is high. Like, of course it is. Of course it’s high when I’m not stressing about it.

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. If I have preeclampsia, that means my chances of a natural, unmedicated delivery, go way down. That means that I will need to be induced via pitocin (which also scares me because I needed pitocin to stop the bleeding post delivery with Moosh). That means a higher chance of needing a c-section. I understand that these are instances where it is medically necessary for the safety of both the mother and the child, and that truly is OK with me. But it still makes me a little sad to know that this is a real possibility.

However, the idea of this pregnancy not going to 40 weeks — or 41 weeks like with Moosh — is definitely appealing. I’m not gonna lie. So for now, we antibiotic, we monitor, and we do what we have to do.

i am my own worst enemy // but it will all be okay

September 23, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

Sometimes I get in my own head. I start to panic because it’s pretty much the worst place to spend a significant amount of time. I am THE BEST at doomsday scenarios, in every facet of my life. Seriously. I can jump from nothing to worst case scenario in 2 seconds flat. It’s a horrible feeling.

So when I play “worst case scenario” over and over again in my head, I literally have to talk myself off that proverbial ledge. I’ve been extremely stressed during this pregnancy. In addition to the major sickness, I’ll just burst into tears because this is not how life should be. And I’m missing a lot of work because of it. And that has me stressed out, like, beyond words. I just feel like none of this should be this way right now.

But wasn’t I just preaching in my mantra for this week (which, I’ll admit, is more for me than anyone else), that worrying just sucks the joy from today? Yes, yes I was.

Regardless of the many of the several doomsday scenarios I think of, I will be OK!

… I will still be alive.

… I will still have my health.

… I will still have this baby in my belly.

… I will still have my husband, who very much loves me.

… I will still have Moosh and his relentless toddler love.

… I will still have a roof over my head.

… I will still have food on the table, morning, noon and night.

In the same way that I can be my own worst enemy, I am also good at talking myself off the anxiety ledge. And if I just can’t manage to do it, I’ll reach out to someone who will do it for me. ♥

And everything will be okay.

And yesterday, someone on the internet reminded me that we survive even our worst days. And it’s true. And if you need that reminder today, or if you know someone who does, I’ll leave you with my favorite quote:

because it’s been a week now…

September 10, 2015 by Rachel Leave a Comment

One of the main reasons I was so anxious to find out if we were expecting another little boy or our first baby girl, was because I want to either: a. pack all of our boy stuff up (I’m not ready to part with it yet), or b. look for all new awesome girl stuff.

Sooo obviously you know what I’ve been up to over the last week. The search is on! And as much as I truly adore boy clothes (seriously they are SO cute), there are some equally adorable girl clothes. Bonus? I tore through my bins of clothes to find the baby girl clothes I hid away about 13 years ago! 🙂

But here are some things on my “Baby Girl Wish List” right now (because let’s be real… it’s going to grow).

This Hello World newborn gown.
From Etsy shop ShopVivaLaGlitter.

This Feed Me + Tell Me I’m Pretty outfit.
From Etsy Shop Three Sweet Limes.

This Personalized Name Blanket.
From Jennifer Ann.

This completely unrealistic Faux Fur Vest.
From Carters.

This Gold Leaf Headband.
From Etsy shop WildJuniper.
And pretty much everything else in this shop.

Aaaand this is just the start of my wish list. I can see it just growing and growing over the next several months.

and the baby is …

September 3, 2015 by Rachel 3 Comments

Yesterday was a good day. Like, a really good day. First, I found a Snuza Hero at Target for $40 off. I’ve had one at the top of my “to-get before new baby” list for a long time, and it just so happens this one was a return from online, so it was automatically discounted. SCORE!

And then, of course, the big gender/anatomy ultrasound. Ari came with us and he was STARING at the screen. Seriously. The ultrasound tech said usually kids are not this interested. He kept saying, “a boy? a boy?” and finally, she could see. Clearly.

It’s a…

GIRL! A very healthy baby girl!

I am almost in disbelief, but totally excited. Beyond excited! ♥ So yeah. It was a great day. My heart is pretty darn full. And now I’m going back to work for the first time since July!! Wish me luck. xoxo

a bumpdate! 17+ weeks!

August 16, 2015 by Rachel Leave a Comment

OK, so compared to when I was pregnant with Moosh, I have been seriously slacking in the documentation of this pregnancy. Perhaps that’s because there hasn’t been much to document, other than the nonstop illness.

But other than the hyperemesis, this pregnancy has been healthy. Well, at least for the baby!

The Bump — This is my first bump picture of this pregnancy. And yes, I had to take a picture of just the belly. Do you know what the face of someone who throws up 7+ times a day looks like?? Not good, friends. Not good.

I’m officially 17.5 weeks pregnant, throwing up an average of 7 times a day (still), and somehow I’ve managed to gain 3 pounds.

Cravings — Not much, really. But when hunger strikes (and it isn’t haunted by vomiting), I desperately want fruity Toaster Strudels or Annie’s Shells + Cheese. Seriously. It’s weird. Much different than my beef craving last time around!

Aversions — No true food aversions, though I find meat that is warm to be a little gross (think like a hot hamburger). As far as other aversions, I have been gagging while brushing my teeth. I can’t manage to brush them without throwing up. Ugh.

Stretch Marks — The old ones have come back with full force! Ha! I’m not worried though. For whatever reason, they don’t bother me at all.

Sleep — My medicine for my hyperemesis makes me incredibly drowsy (they are literally heavy sedatives). Which means I sleep heavy. But I also wake up many, many, times to throw up. Blah.

Movement — I’ve been feeling movement for weeks now! It’s exciting to know what to look (and feel) for this time! And this kid can move! Can’t wait to start feeling this baby even more!

What I’m Looking Forward To — Our anatomy scan is in just a couple of weeks. I can’t wait to find out if I’ll continue being a #boymom, or if I’ll have to juggle bows + dresses, too!