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I’m coming up on three years as a SAHM (WAHM/part-time earner) and I’m only recently becoming confident in my self-value.
See, just three years ago — only one month before I was due to deliver Remy Bea — I lost my job of ten years. I was completely devastated and 100% exhausted. Devastated because I felt like I let my family down; exhausted because I knew in my heart I couldn’t keep up with the back and forth of primary parenting while working any longer.
Without my financial contribution to our family, I felt completely lost and isolated. In truth, I felt unworthy. My husband would now be the sole provider of our family. And the guilt that came along with that responsibility tore me to pieces. As I grappled with the notion that my previous income would not have been worth two kids in daycare full time, I was also coming to terms with my new identity.
Stay at home mom.
What would people think? Would my husband lose love for me? Would my valid as a person decrease because my role had (drastically) changed in society?
Truthfully, it’s something that took a couple of years to come to terms with. My role adjusted several times, as I returned to the workforce part-time just weeks after Remy was born — but with both kids in tow the whole time. Also, I monetized my side-hustle and shifted more energy in that direction. Working at home meant juggling diaper changes with photo edits, cooking dinner while sending emails, and often times not setting proper expectations for myself or my time.
I am a master of chaos.
I am the keeper of appointments.
I am the juggler of to-dos.
I am the ringleader of a tiny circus.
I am the family calendar.
I am the multitasker extraordinaire.
I am the boo-boo kisser.
I am the errand-runner.
I am the disciplinarian.
I am the mid-day snuggler.
And all of this is important. Undervalued, but important.
It’s time to shift that paradigm. Your value is not based on your income; your value is not based on your financial contribution to society; your value is not based on the hours you put in. You are more than your work. You are important because of everything you have to offer the world.
Your value is not based on your income; your value is not based on your financial contribution to society; your value is not based on the hours you put in. You are more than your work. You are important because of everything you have to offer. Click To TweetRemember this, friends. When you’re in the depth of it — the ‘OMG what am I doing here?!’ — remember that you are enough. You are invaluable to so many. ♥ ♥
I know exactly what you mean. People totally judged me when I stayed at home. It was so incredibly frustrating.
I love this! So important to remember!
My mom was a SAHM and it made my childhood so much more love-filled!
I love this so much! Thank you for sharing. I don’t have kids yet, but hope to in the near future. When we have kids, my husband and I want me to be a SAHM. This is so helpful.
Well said, we do so much and it’s mentally and physically exhausting. And it is most definitely hard work!!
I cannot imagine my life as a stay at home mom. I feel like the 24/7 job of mom life is exhausting and it definitely doesn’t pay. It is definitely worth it though!
This is so important! It took me a long time, 4 years, to realize and come to terms with the idea and understanding that my value and worth isn’t found in anything here … but in Jesus!!
When I first became a sahm I too struggled to find a sense of value . It definitely takes time but there is so much we do!
To know that there are so many moms that feel/felt the emotions you did makes me sad. Moms are such incredible human beings. Growing older has allowed me to gain a deeper respectful for moms in general, but also for SAHMs. Keep up the great work!
I was a SAHM for a couple of years and struggled with these same feelings. It definitely takes a change in mindset and expectations to make the switch from working mom to SAHM, and is such an important job!
I love this blog post so much! I struggled with identity after a successful career and then deciding to stay home. It was tough but im finally at peace with where I am and I’m so glad I chose this. I would not change it for the world.
I love your I AM list. What a great perspective. Way to go Mama!
This is so well written, Rachel. Our work is so important. It’s not always recognized immediately. And it is def not glamorous, but it is so important.
This is such a wonderful reminder. It’s so tough and I struggle with it all as well, but I’m so grateful to know I’m not alone!
YESSSS! this is my life! I related so much
It took me about 2 years to realize this myself. Its a hard transition and we constantly want more from life.
It’s so hard to feel valuable in the day to day.
I’ve been a SAHM for coming up on 7 years and it’s definitely been an adjustment. I enjoy working but I also enjoy being home with my kids. It’s a fine balance.