reality

My Postpartum Depression Story // An Update

November 18, 2016 by Rachel 14 Comments

Hi friends. I realize it’s been some time since I spoke about my Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I (finally) got to a place where I needed to step away from my thoughts and obsession (thanks, anxiety) with my sadness to really deal with it. Don’t get me wrong — the talking (and writing) about it certainly helped — a lot!

But I’d be lying if I didn’t credit my good friend Lexapro*. See, I accidentally went off of her when Remy was having all of her UTI issues. And I really put off getting in to see my doctor for a refill. It wasn’t because I thought I could live without it; it was simply that I was so tired of dragging two children between doctors and specialists. I was just plain exhausted.

When I finally saw my doctor I slowly began taking my prescription again. After a month or two, I felt a teeny bit better. It didn’t 100% ‘cure’ me, but it certainly helped level me out a little bit. And for those who may be skeptical, I should explain that I was honestly in a very, very, ugly place. To put it one way, I didn’t want to harm myself; but I also couldn’t imagine making it through another hour, day, or week. I’m not be dramatic. I truly couldn’t see past the fog.

Between the Lexapro and a baby that finally began to smile, laugh, and sleep (a little bit), the fog began to lift.

One of the hardest parts of PPD and anxiety is being able to get out of the circular thoughts. It just snowballs and snowballs and down the depressing rabbit hole you go! But with this glorious combination of events, I could finally break myself out of this line of thinking.

Sure, it still hits me. I still have moments where I’m paralyzed by my anxiety and anxious thoughts. But I’m also confident that I can think my way out of it; that I can see my way through it.

And that’s why I’m continuing to talk about it. Because maybe one of you — or maybe someone you know — needs to hear this; to know that they aren’t alone. And there’s just something about knowing you’re not alone in PPD-Anxiety that helps you through the fog.

Have you ever dealt with PPD/Anxiety? What helped you?

*I am not a physician. I am not advocating for medication, but, simply stating that it is part of my journey. Please consult your physician for help with depression and anxiety of any sort.

Busy Livin’ with Lil’ Beanies //

June 18, 2016 by Rachel Leave a Comment

It’s no secret that being a mom to a toddler and a newborn baby is hard work. Now, more than ever, I have to stick to my routine and my plan to make sure our days run as smoothly as possible. For me, that means writing out a schedule each night for the following day. Planning, most importantly, our meals and snacks, naptimes, and playdates (as well as work and other errands).

See, I’m a creature of habit. And so is Ari. And, hopefully, Remy will follow suit — soon! But for Ari and I? We work best as a well-oiled, scheduled and planned, machine.

When we head to the YMCA each morning, I have to pack snacks for Ari to make it through to lunch time. He isn’t a big breakfast eater, so it takes him some time to warm up in the morning. A healthy, on-the-go snack is perfect for us because it provides the nutrition that’s important for his health and development, alongside the ease of being travel-ready!

Enter Gerbers Lil’ Beanies. An easy (and nutritious!) toddler snack, free from GMOs, and consisting of 2 grams of protein and 1 gram of fiber per serving!

Healthy. Easy. Perfect for on-the-go/health-conscious Mamas like me! I throw two kinds (because, toddlers can be fickle and picky) into my diaper bag — Original and and White Cheddar with Broccoli! Easy peasy!

I’m super grateful for no-fuss snacks because then I tend not to worry about the fact that Ari likes to skip his breakfast. I know that when he’s ready for his snack (which is almost 10:30 on the dot every darn day!), I can pull these out of the diaper bag and be a-okay!

As hectic as our life may get, it’s nice to have one less thing to worry about. We just swing by Target and grab a couple of packs. Healthy, easy, fuss-free, and easy to find!

Find Gerbers Lil’ Beanies at a store near you — locate them here! And tell me, what’s your favorite on-the-go toddler snack??

Thank you to Gerber for sponsoring today’s post and inspiring my little one to eat healthy!

Celebrating Real Love.

February 14, 2016 by Rachel 1 Comment

I’ve never been one to care much for Valentine’s Day. It’s not out of spite; it’s just that I feel like it’s a totally silly holiday. Personally, I’d rather show my love for my partner throughout the year, in forms of small gestures, than spend one day on one grand gesture.

In fact, the only reason we even semi-celebrated Valentine’s Day this year was by accident. Since my mom has been in town, Chad and I decided to go on a dinner date. We spent most of our dinner in a semi-zombie-like state, in awe of real food without a toddler climbing on us, sitting in silence. Ha. But still, it was lovely. ♥

Still, I much prefer the small gestures. And luckily, they are aplenty in our home!

Real love is when your husband records The Bachelor for you when you forget.

Real love is letting your spouse sleep in late while you wake up with the fussy toddler.

Real love is having dinner ready when your husband gets home from work.

Real love is agreeing to see a movie that you don’t particularly want to see, but one that your partner really wants to see.

Real love is re-watching a Netflix show you’ve already seen so your wife can catch up to where you are.

Real love is doing the dishes after the other has made breakfast/lunch/dinner.

Basically, real love happens in the simple moments; not in the moments that are well-thought and planned. Nope. It’s those small moments that truly make my heart melt. ♥ ♥

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends. Remember to show love every.single.day. Not just today. xo

And here’s a little throwback to celebrate my love! 🙂

{ weekly mantra }

December 21, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

This week will be a week of transitions, for SURE! While I can’t wait for Baby Girl to get here, I’m also kinda ready to have just Moosh for one last Christmas. Circumstances have… changed, to say the least, over the last week. For one, I’m now unemployed. Without going into nitty gritty details (and because I’m trying to focus on moving forward and focusing on the sadness I feel about the situation isn’t going to do me or anyone else any good), it’s causing some… feelings. And stress.

So this week, I’ll just be focusing on the holiday… getting ready with Moosh by making cookies, doing crafts, etc. And soaking it all up. I also have some unexpected time to get my ducks in a row before Baby Girl arrives in just a few weeks. So my to-do/nesting list is suddenly miles long!

I’m grateful that when one door closes another one opens, right?

I’m content knowing that people, situations, and circumstances are fluid. Everything changes; nothing is permanent.

I wish I could eat a burrito, a Swensons hamburger, and a Krispy Kreme donut all at once. Or even one at a time. I just can’t eat much. Still. But gosh, the cravings are coming on strong right now!

Happiness is being in the Christmas spirit! A toddler makes that so easy. He’s SO pumped about Santa coming! ♥

Mantra of the week:

‘Cause it just feels RIGHT.

lies i { regularly } tell my toddler.

November 24, 2015 by Rachel 2 Comments

Let’s face it: as parents, we will totally take advantage of our small children. I mean, heck!, they owe us. They put us through the ringer with their “demands” and nonsense. It’s no wonder we (occasionally) tell them things that they do not know are false. Like, completely false.

My mother decided to point out to me how often I ‘lie’ to Moosh. So I compiled a list of my go-to ‘lies.’

“They’re closed, baby!” I say this regularly for any place Moosh wants to go that we either: 1. do not have on the agenda; 2. do not have time for; or 3. do not have the patience for. This includes: Cafe O’Play (we pass it every day on our way home from the sitter). The Chick-fil-a play area (as we are sitting down eating and he’s watching other kids play). The movie theater. You get the picture. Pretty much every place he thinks is fun.

“It’s all gone!” Yep. No shame in my food-game! If I don’t want Moosh to have something, I just tell him it’s gone. But I fear he’s catching on to me… He recently started asking “Let me see the ____.” Like, for proof.

“It’s not working. / It needs batteries.” Toy? Needs batteries. Movie he wants to watch for the 800th time? Not working. I’m. Not. Sorry!

“This isn’t candy; it’s medicine.” It’s especially convincing since I’ve been so sick during this pregnancy.

“We’ll go tomorrow.” Biggest. liar. EVER. I most recently used this lie when I was trying to get Ari home from the sitter and he wanted to stop at the library. No, we didn’t go the next day. But I told him we would. Toddlers either remember things for months or forget them within seconds. So I was pretty much playing russian roulette. [PS. I won.]

How can I lie to this adorable face from these pictures?!? Easy. It’s lying for survival. And I’m not ashamed to say I’ll continue to do it until he catches on. I know I’m not alone, friends! Tell me, what are your favorite lies you tell your children?!

co-sleeping // the good, the bad, and the reality.

November 13, 2015 by Rachel Leave a Comment

Before I get into this, let me just say that I have zero comment on the hazards and benefits of co-sleeping, so please do your own research. That being said, I can almost guarantee that within your first few years of parenting, you will end up with a child in your bed.

I remember our first time. Mostly because it was our first night at home after leaving the hospital after having Ari. We (safely) co-slept with a co-sleeper thing in our bed. It was out of necessity for us. I was having a hard time nursing and I was flat out terrified of what our first night at home would bring. We did this for the first few weeks before we got into our routine (which, admittedly, wasn’t any better, sleep-wise, for me and Chad).

Since then we’ve found ourselves co-sleeping at random times: when Ari is sick and we want to keep him close to us; when we are visiting relatives and staying in a new place, and, most recently, when Ari wants to sleep in “mommies bed.”

The good thing about co-sleeping is that I can keep a close eye on him when he needs it, and admittedly when we need it, most. The bad, and oftentimes downright ugly, part of co-sleeping, whether you do it regularly or sporadically, is that no one but the baby/toddler seems to get any actual sleep.

And, in reality, my baby won’t always want to sleep in ‘mommies bed.’ He’ll grow up and want to distance himself from me (and from us, in general). So in the meantime, I’ll take a couple of sleepless and restless nights here and there. Especially if that means I get to watch him sleep. Especially if that means for 5 minutes (of 8 total hours), he is wrapped up in my arms. And I’ll treasure those fleeting moments. Because they won’t last forever. ♥

So before you ‘pass judgment’ on a mom (new, old, or otherwise) for posting about sleeping with their kid, just take a deep breath and remember that we’re all just trying to survive.