Its a Hero

postpartum

Looking Back + Moving Forward: 2020

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What. a. year! I keep seeing posts from friends regarding how 2019 was awful. I have to say, while we had some rough times, the good far outweighed the bad times.

Professional Life

2019 Summed Up

My professional life blossomed this year. It took a lot of hard work, including long hours and late nights. But I set big goals and surpassed my own expectations!

2020 Goals

I’m going to push it even harder this upcoming year. I’m going to work smarter and harder. I may even hire some help (whether it be a VA or someone to help watch the kids one day a week while I work), which is huge for me!

I’m really excited to continue several partnerships and to take on a major undertaking with a local brand! It’s going to push me beyond my comfort zone, but I’m ready for it. Speaking of comfort zones, I really stayed out of photos this year. I featured mostly food, spaces, and my kids. But in 2020 I vow to be IN my content more! Stay tuned!

Personal Life

2019 Summed Up

Old House Stress

This year was a really stressful year for our little family. Chad spent most of his ‘spare’ time at our old house, getting it ready to be put on the market. This largely meant that we rarely saw him. The kids craved his attention in the moments where he was home and, well, he was just plain ol’ exhausted.

Travel Time

The good news is that when he was around, we made the most of our time together. We took trips to Great Wolf Lodge, went camping at Jellystone Park in Pennsylvania, and even snuck in a trip to Kalahari!

We also (somehow) made it to Columbus several times as well as a trip to Kentucky! It was a crazy travel year, for sure.

Celebrations

We celebrated our final babies first birthday by throwing a big birthday bash at our forever home — our first real time hosting! It was a lot of work, but we were finally able to show our family and friends this incredible space.

The kids had so much fun playing in the yard and jumping on the trampoline.

2020 Goals

This year offers a fairly blank slate. I’d like to do some local travel ahead of our big trip to Hilton Head Island late this Summer. But other than that, we have no official plans.

I’ll be taking my kids on new adventures here in Ohio and exploring new neighborhoods in an effort to connect more with my community and to help nurture their curiosity.

Health

2019 Summed Up

Guys, I mildly failed at all things ‘health’ related this year. The stress of life and a serious time-management issue on my part resulted in very poor year of health and fitness for me. The one and only thing I did that is deserving of any credit is running the Pittsburgh Half Marathon.

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2020 Goals

Things are changing. In fact, I’ve already started making changes. I’m being MUCH more conscious of my food choices and making MY health a top priority this year.

As cliché as it sounds, I am going to get back to my regular weight this year. For those of you who haven’t been following along since before this year, you’ll know that I used to be workout fanatic. I’ve lost some of my mojo thanks to pregnancy and kids, but I think I’ve figured out what I need to get my excitement back.

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Don’t let the fear of not being “good enough” hold you back from achieving your goals! . Today I finished my first postpartum race after having Mila and my second half marathon, the @pghmarathon . I was underprepared. Crazy, crazy underprepared. The days and hours where I should have been running were spent tending to sick children. . But I still got out there today. I still showed up. I realized in the wee hours of this morning that I CAN DO VERY HARD THINGS. HECK, I birthed three babies on very little sleep (and one without an epidural). So I knew my body was (and is) capable for more than I think. . So if you think “I could never do ___,” take a step back and give yourself some darn credit! YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS! . Thank you to @brooksrunning for helping me remember how strong my body truly is. . . #sponsored #runhappy #brooksrunning #2run6 #clevelandblogger #clevelandbloggers #midwestbloggers #MOVEpittsburgh #pittsburghhalfmarathon #pittsburghmarathon #ohioblogger #womensrunningcommunity #instarunners #runnersofinstagram #runningmom #runtoinspire #sweatpink #this_is_postpartum

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Try new things

As a previous obsessive yogi, it has been years since I was ‘active’ in the community. I’ve tried the at-home practice, but it just wasn’t my thing. A new studio opened in my town and I’m going to try their hot power classes!

I’m also signed up for an OrangeTheory Fitness class trial. Now, if only I could get my hands on a Peleton 😛

Get back on track

Having babies and adjusting to being a work-from-home mom four years ago really did a number on my nutrition. I was no longer tied to a desk. You would think working from home would offer more balance, right? For me it did not. I have struggled with the freedom and my diet has suffered.

Now that we are officially finished with having babies (and now that we’re through the newborn phase entirely), I’m able to get a bit of my life back. And, for me, that means getting back in control.

For me, it’s less about weight than it is about comfort. And I just haven’t felt comfortable in my own skin for the last few years. I do have a goal-weight, but it is not unrealistic. I’ve set an attainable goal for myself as a ‘big picture’ thought.

Writing it all out feels surreal. I cannot believe what this last year has brought our family (and I can’t believe we made it through). But I’m infinitely excited for what’s to come.

What goals do you have for 2020?

woman with wine glass in hotel

Tomorrow, A Toddler

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Tonight I kissed my last baby goodnight for the very last night she’ll be a baby. Tomorrow she will wake up and be ONE! A TODDLER! ??

This is a pretty bittersweet moment for me. I’m excited that we (pretty successfully) survived our first year as a family of 5, but I’m going to miss those newborn snuggles.

I also recently realized that I’m officially classified as a “seasoned mom” these days. People ask me for advice (though I’m quick not to give it) and my go-to message is this — Expect nothing and everything, all the time.

For instance, this photo shoot. I attempted it outdoors, and Meebs shot me down FAST. Then, during her nap time, I set it up downstairs. And she REFUSED to sit down. She was so clingy and as soon as I’d set her down, she screamed and cried and crawled to my lap. These are the best shots I got. And one of them has me in it (or at least my arm) ??‍♀️.

With that, tomorrow is a new day. And it marks 365 days since our family became complete. ❤️

Happy birthday, Mila Rose — Meebs. — Weebs. We love you a bushel and a peck.

Outfit courtesy of @reverie.gifts.xo — HANDMADE!

One Year Out // My Third Postpartum Journey

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It’s hard to believe that one year ago today I was… anxious. Anxious and excited. I was beyond ready to meet our final and missing piece. It would still be two more days of waiting before Miss Mila Rose made her way into the world. And I spent these days doing a lot of walking and a lot of impatiently awaiting the start of labor.

But let’s back up — because if you had asked me if I wanted to have any more children after Remy was born 3.5 years ago, I would have emphatically said “Hell to the no.” And I’m not certain what changed. But at some point, I realized that our family needed a little bit more craziness. Enter our 3rd (and final) pregnancy.

Looking back on those last moments as a family of 4, I realize that, although I was anxious, I was also calm. I was ready — perhaps more ready than I’d ever been to tackle labor. I knew my body was capable of handling a rough 24-hours or so, all to help this beautiful new creature enter the world.

But what I didn’t realize at the time is that my postpartum experience would be drastically different this third time around. I was heavily prepared to be on the struggle bus shortly after delivery.

When I was okay, I decided not to hold my breath. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it didn’t. At least, not really. Or not in the same way as before.

And as I round out these last couple of days with my final baby, I’m celebrating the fact that we did it — we made it through our last postpartum period. Hoorayyyy!! Now let me snuggle my last ever newborn for just a teeeeeensy bit longer! Thursday will be here before I know it. ♥ ♥

Dick’s Sporting Goods Pittsburgh Half Marathon 2019

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Don’t let the fear of not being “good enough” hold you back from achieving your goals!

Nearly two weeks ago I finished my first postpartum race after having Mila and my second half marathon ever, at the Pittsburgh Marathon. I was underprepared.

Like, crazy, crazy underprepared. The days and hours where I should have been running were spent tending to sick children.

But I still got out there. I still showed up. I realized in the wee hours of that morning that I CAN DO VERY HARD THINGS. HECK, I birthed three babies on very little sleep (and one without an epidural). So I knew my body was (and is) capable of more than I think.

So if you think “I could never do ___,” take a step back and give yourself some darn credit! YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!

Right now my body is still in recovery mode. The mud, sweat, and tears were totally worth that finishers medal (and the finishers beer!). YES, I’m proud of myself for physically finishing 13.1 miles. But mostly I’m proud of the fact that I mentally and psychologically could handle it. Postpartum baby number one and two, I could never have convinced myself to start, let alone finish. But this time my anxiety stayed far from that start and finish line.

That alone was worth the medal. So I’m going to consider this my freaking postpartum medal. And I goddamn earned it!

 

 

Taking A Moment To Find Myself // My 3rd Postpartum Journey

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I needed this Mother’s Day in ways that I cannot even convey to you. Just Saturday, I was a broken down mother — exhausted from the grind, full of self-doubt and self-pity. But late Saturday evening, I purchased a pass to Balance + Brews at Royal Docks in Canton.

Balance + Brews is a group of local yoga teachers that do pop up classes in craft breweries throughout Northeast Ohio. I’ve been meaning to show up for a class for years, but there was always a reason I couldn’t make it. In fact, this time I almost self-sabotaged — I almost decided not to go because I was afraid of going alone. But I bought the ticket anyway. I committed.

And as I was driving down the highway completely alone, blasting music from my college days, I realized… I needed this. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I went further than Target (which is about a half mile) in the car without a child.

And then to have a meal completely alone? It just sealed the deal for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children. But the weight of always being “on” has really taken a toll lately. It took me until Sunday to realize just how much I missed being with my most authentic self. And in those moments of screaming singing Thursday songs at the top of my lungs, I made a vow to make myself a priority. Starting now.

So to all of the mama’s out there who are struggling to find their new identity, I see you. If you can, go ahead and take a drive, blast that music, and remember who you are.

And Happy (Belated) Mother’s Day.

 

My Name is Rachel… and I’m Suffering from Postpartum Depression + Anxiety… Again.

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My name is Rachel…

I am a mom.

I am a runner.

I am a supporter of local businesses.

I am a coffee addict.

I am a fan of craft IPAs.

I am a lover of yummy food.

…and I am a postpartum depression and anxiety survivor.

Lately, it’s been a bit hard to talk about, which is unusual for me. But there have been many days where I have really struggled as of late.

The feelings came on much later this time around. I got really comfortable with the idea that I would be spared this time around. I was wrong. And that’s okay.

See, I really want to be all of these things WITHOUT also having the PPD/A, but (at least for now) it’s a part of my life. Personally, I know I’ll get through this. I know I’ll survive. But for now, I’ll be dealing with this unwelcome guest — the one who comes and goes as she pleases; the one who shows up at unexpected moments; the one who lingers for longer than I’d like. But I’ll get through this. I’ve been through it twice before and I’ll get through it again.

If you are struggling with postpartum depression and/anxiety PLEASE seek help. And if you want someone to talk to or cry to, shoot me a DM. ❤️

You are NOT alone!