Its a Hero

mental health

Postpartum Update // One.

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It’s been over a week since my whirlwind delivery of Mila Rose. I really expected things to be different than they are right now. Not in a worse way, but not in a better way either.

Just… different.

Expectation Versus Reality  //

We’ve all been going through a bit of an adjustment. I came home from the hospital on Thursday, the 21st, late in the afternoon. The kids were very surprised to see us because Mimi told them we wouldn’t be home until Friday! And, truthfully, we had a really easy first night home. Mila slept for 5.5 hours straight!

But the days that have since followed have not been easy. The kids have been restless and overly energetic. I’m certain that some of it is the adjustment of having a new sibling at home; some of it is the crazy heatwave we’ve had; and the rest is probably the fact that their lives are totally different with having their daddy at home all day.

Sure, our patience has been tried. And sure, we expected quite a bit of that. But expectation versus reality can be a bit of a shock.

But over the last week we’ve attempted to keep their lives (and ours) as ‘new’-normal as possible. Chad took both the big kids to see a movie, they’ve played in the park, had playdates with friends, and ran errands. Basically, business as usual (minus work, plus an infant).

Mental Health  //

I’m surprised at how well I’m doing, honestly. But I know it’s still early — and I’ve had a lot of help with my husband being on paternity leave. So I’m taking it one day at a time.

It definitely helps that she sleeps better than the other two kids. Ari had colic so the witching hour was awful; and Remy just never slept (day or night), period. So the fact that this child will sleep some is better than the other two already.

And she absolutely LOVES sleeping in her DockATot. If you haven’t heard of a DockATot, you must go check them out. Mila apparently likes hers so much she’ll fall asleep in it during all of the crazy chaos of the big kids being loud!

Again, it totally helps my mental health that she will sleep — and with this incredible product to help us? Even better.

Physical Health  //

I’ve recovered so quickly from this labor and delivery, it’s nothing short of amazing. It’s honestly amazing what our bodies can do. I keep looking down at my squishy belly and I think “I can’t believe this body just had a human in it a week ago!”

I’m happy to say that I’ve definitely lost a significant amount of baby weight already (something that never happened this early for me with the other two) and I can’t wait until I am cleared to workout! I’m itching to sign up for a race of some sort, but I also don’t want to push my body too soon.

Maternity Leave + Paternity Leave  //

I’m still planning on going back to work in about a week and a half. The older kids are so restless and we all thrive on a well-oiled schedule. Getting them out to play with friends while I’m working will be helpful.

But I’m honestly dreading the fact that my husband goes back to work after the upcoming holiday. Both kids have gotten so used to having him here during the day that I’m certain another ‘adjustment period’ will be coming when he returns. Our saving grace is that he has 6 more weeks of leave he can take — whenever I need him to!

Yes, I realize we’re beyond lucky that his company now offers paid paternity leave! This is a first for us since it just started this year! And we’re going to absolutely use it!

This Upcoming Week  //

We have more ‘tot time’ scheduled, another $1 movie from Cinemark Kids Clubhouse, and a 4th of July without plans! Luckily my parents are coming up on Wednesday so I’ll have some help when Chad returns to work Thursday.

Mila’s newborn photos have been rescheduled for this Thursday (thanks to a baby who refused to sleep during her shoot last week) and we have a weekend with zero on the agenda.

So basically survival. Survival is the only solid plan I have for this week. Everything else is negotiable.

Tell me —

What got you through

 

the early postpartum days ?!

 

Preparing For Darkness — My Postpartum Reality

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I would be lying if I said some of the nerves I have regarding the birth of baby number 3 isn’t about my own mental health and well-being, postpartum. As someone who has suffered from varying degrees of postpartum depression and anxiety with both of my other children, it’s hard not to think about what is likely my postpartum reality this time around.

When my son, Ari, was born 5.5 years ago, I knew something was off right away. I felt… distanced from him. I have spoken about this immensely before, but I felt as if I had an overwhelming desire to protect this tiny human I spent so much time creating; but I wouldn’t quite refer to it as love. The love part came much later.

Later on, I recognized that my desire to protect him was instinctual; but postpartum depression distracted me from truly connecting any further. I also realized that I had very few boundaries set up for visitors postpartum — and that was a huge detriment to my mental well-being.

Shortly after his arrival I was put on an antidepressant. It seemed to work a little bit, and has since been tweaked over the years and is now working beautifully. But PPD with him is what initiated my journey with anxiety and depression medications. When I got pregnant with Remy, our daughter, near Ari’s third birthday, I knew to expect a rough road again.

But I felt more prepared. I had a plan. I would restrict visitors until we found our groove. I could handle it, right?

To my surprise, and delight, as soon as she was born I felt that immediate outpouring of love for her!

But my anxiety peaked shortly after returning home. I was a crazy person, fueled by hormones and a severe lack of sleep, and was dealing with an extremely, extremely, fussy baby.

It took us months of no sleep (when I say “no sleep,” I mean that this child slept for an average of 2 – 3 hours in a 24-hour period). Usually during the day when someone else was holding her. And spent every single night screaming in agony.

I felt a rage like I had only read about. Luckily, I was cognizant enough to understand that if I did not step away from her, I would most certainly hurt her. I realized that this was probably the one sign that I was not suffering from postpartum psychosis — my ability to properly think through what was actually going on in my brain.

There were honestly moments in that first year where I considered driving myself to the hospital because I felt like I was going crazy. It’s a humbling thing to think about. Knowing that, had I driven myself there, I almost certainly would have been admitted to the psychiatric floor for evaluation. And I truly thought about doing that — and likely would have — if Remy hadn’t been 100% reliant on me for nourishment (aka – she refused to take a bottle).

I’m lucky to have had an amazing support system, both at home and at work, who truly helped me survive the first year of Remy’s life. Once we realized that she had been having urinary tract infections and was in excruciating pain, we had a plan of action. Rounds of antibiotics and trips to the chiropractor’s office helped her become a normal baby. And, in doing so, helped me get through the fog of that first year.

And now I sit here on the edge of bringing another life into the world, terrified. I realize that, as having a history of postpartum depression and anxiety already, I will likely deal with another round of it. And even though I know what to expect and what to do, I’m afraid that I will, once again, turn into a shell of the person I once was.

I’ve planned accordingly. Again. But this time with a few adjustments… 

  • My husband gets many weeks of paid leave this time (thank god!) which will certainly be helpful in keeping the bigger kids in order while I handle the baby. Lucky for us, he doesn’t have to take it all at once, so I’m going to
  • My coworkers are expecting my return to work, with my kids (all of them), at 3 weeks. While this may seem like a detriment, I assure you it isn’t. I work in childcare and that means I will literally be able to hand my new baby off, as needed, for breaks. They also were all there for me with Remy and understand that it is less about my return to work and more about my return to sanity and adult conversation.
  • I am going to take this new baby to the pediatric chiropractor (in addition to her pediatrician) within the first month of her life. Guys. I really didn’t think it would work for Remy — but it did. And these tiny adjustments that the doctor made on my baby changed her. So instead of putting it off this time around, I’m going to bite the bullet (aka the co-pay), and take her right away.
  • I’ve been talking about postpartum a LOT and with everyone. I need everyone to know what to expect from me — my husband, my friends, my family — so that they know to be prepared to pick up the pieces when and where needed. And I’m so lucky to have this support system ready and willing to help out.

In the meantime, I’m just going to have to expect the worst and roll with the punches. We went into this pregnancy knowing that we may have another awful first year, but that it does get better. And I guess that’s what we’re going to have to make do with for now. But I will 100% be honest about it, that’s for certain — because talking about it is actually helping to alleviate some of the pressure I feel regarding my upcoming postpartum experience.

And perhaps — just perhaps — talking about my own experiences can be helpful to someone else.

 

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, nor am I advocating for intervention with medications. I’m just stating what worked for me.

Preparing for a new baby with meals, support, and CBR.

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Whether it’s your first baby or your 7th baby, adding a new child into your family can be stressful. There are a million things to consider, before, during, and after welcoming your new bundle of joy.

When we decided to try for baby number three, we knew that our family dynamic would forever change. There are certain things that would be nearly impossible to do with three young children — like our occasional dining out at restaurants with the kids. We knew we would have to be a takeout family, at least until all three children get a bit older.

But there are a host of other things that a person thinks about. Namely, how to properly prepare for bringing home a new baby.

And as a seasoned mom (wow, that’s still weird to say), I thought I’d share the list of things I’m doing to prepare for our new family member this time around.

1. Prepare your freezer with meals.

I made this mistake before baby number 2 — I failed to properly prep with freezer meals — and I felt it in the weeks after. This time around I’m stocking up my freezer with ready-to-bake casseroles and thaw-and-eat sandwiches that will make those first couple of weeks with a new baby run a bit more smoothly.

We’re currently 9 weeks out and I’m in full-on meal prep mode. Freezer space has been made and I’m using Pinterest to search for meals that will make a transition from 2 to 3 kids easy (just kidding – it won’t be easy — but it will be easier-ish?).

2. Consider cord blood banking. 

As a first time mom, I was clueless about the benefits of cord blood banking and the peace of mind that comes with it. I learned that cord blood banking and Cord Blood Registry (CBR) have been around for over 20 years. Today, many conditions may be treatable with cord blood as a part of a stem cell transplant, including various cancers and blood, immune and metabolic disorders.* And a lot of research is being conducted to explore potential uses in the future. Most recently, a CBR funded study in partnership with researchers at Sutter Medical Center showed that a child’s own cord blood is even safe for children with autism! If you’re interested in learning more about the study and its findings click here and watch this video.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsXeBScRCSs&]
It’s advancements with trials like these that have made me confident in deciding that we will be using CBR once baby number three arrives. After realizing how potentially life-saving preserving your child’s newborn  stem cells can be, it was really a no-brainer — Especially when I understood that other family members could potentially be use this resource.

After learning about the awesome potential in newborn stem cells, we have finally started the process of getting set-up with CBR (we’re only 3 months out from delivery, y’all!). If you’re interested in doing the same you just visit cordblood.com/enroll or call 888-240-1996 and CBR will ship you a collection kit. Be sure to take the kit with you to the hospital on your big day and then you call a medical courier after your baby is born. That’s it! Easy peasy!

The video also helps explain the process.

Cord blood: studying a potential treatment for children with autism

#AutismAwarenessMonth A prominent neurologist and autism researcher from Sutter Medical Center, recently published results from a CBR-funded clinical trial studying cord blood as a potential treatment for autism. Watch as Dr. Michael Chez discusses the trial and learn how CBR clients are helping to advance newborn stem cell science!

Posted by Cord Blood Registry on Wednesday, April 11, 2018

 

 

3. Have a pre-set support group you can reach out to when you need them. 

Know who you’ll call if you need someone to run to the store for you; know who you can call with a question about nursing; know who you can call to take your other kid(s) for an hour or two; know who you can call to help you clean your house; and, most importantly, check with them because they will assure you that you can use them.

One of the things new moms (and seasoned moms) often forget is that it truly does take a village. And any mom knows this. If they offer you help, they mean it. I promise. So take them up on it because trying to prove you can ‘do it all’ will only leave you to suffer.

4. Load your Netflix queue!

I remember how naive I was before my first child was born 5.5 years ago. I didn’t fully understand how many hours I would spend half-awake in a 24-hour period. But I learned quickly that life with a newborn operates in a haze. And you will keep the TV on half-watching, half-feeding a tiny human, for far more hours than you can fully grasp.

I watched everything those first few months — Gossip Girl, Dexter, you name it. I went from shows I’d never even cared to watch to rewatching series I’d already finished. So for our second baby I spent a couple of hours just loading up my queue with things I really wanted to watch, to things I’d be content watching half asleep.

And I’m doing that again this time around. It’s inevitable that there will be a lot of late nights. And my good friend Netflix will be there through all of those late night feedings.

5. Grace.

Our third child is months away and I’m already prepared with grace. Grace in the sense that I’ll be giving it to myself by the boatload. I want all new mothers to understand that even though giving ourselves grace is one of the hardest things to do, it’s also one of the most important.

Having babies makes us realize, quickly, how little we truly have control of. I know that I will struggle with adjusting to life after giving birth again. And I know that the only way to recover and heal is by giving myself plenty of grace.

Learn more about CBR and cord blood banking by visiting here.

 

 

*See source here.

Living With Emetophobia

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For as long as I can remember, I have had emetophobia. Emetophobia is classified as ‘a phobia that causes overwhelming, intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting. This specific phobia can also include subcategories of what causes the anxiety, including a fear of vomiting in public, a fear of seeing vomit, a fear of watching the action of vomiting or fear of being nauseated.’

And, for as long as I can remember, people have said things like “yeah, I don’t like vomit either.” Except, that isn’t it. That isn’t it at all.

Recently ScaryMommy shared a blog post regarding parenting with emetophobia. I immediately tagged everyone I knew in the comments as if to say “here. read this.”

It’s brought up a lot of dialogue in many circles. I’ve had to explain to people all of the ways this affects me — every. single. day. And I think it’s truly difficult for people to understand, so I figured I’d write about what it’s like living with emetophobia — the little things and all.

Here are some things that go through my head on a daily basis:

  • I have to sit at the window seat of an airplane, but not because I want to see out of the window. I just want to be furthest from the aisle — in case someone gets sick.

  • If I’m going to the movies, I’m always thinking about the potential for the people around me to throw up.
  • I cannot hear the word ‘puke.’ It is awful. I will always refer to it as vomit; and if I hear someone say puke several times I will politely ask them not to.
  • If someone (my kids, other peoples kids, anyone really) even looks like they are not feeling well, I will ask them over and over and over again if they have a belly ache.

  • Every place I go — whether it be the grocery store, preschool drop-off, using a public restroom, going out to dinner — the fear of someone getting sick or being sick is on my mind. Always.
  • In fact, if I’m somewhere and I hear that someone elses family member is sick/has been sick recently (even if they are not present), it will induce a serious anxiety — often resulting in me wondering if I’m starting to feel sick.

  • I carry Clorox wipes with me and use them far too frequently. I specifically keep them for shopping carts, but I do not trust hand sanitizer because it does not fight the germs that cause the stomach bug. You know what does? Bleach. Bleach will kill it. So I carry these bleach wipes with me just in case.

There is not a day that goes by where I do not think about my emetophobia. During the depths of ‘sick season,’ I can often be found with severe anxiety for days. It’s absolutely unhealthy.

ScaryMommy really summed it up with this:

Unlike many fears, emetophobia can easily affect a person’s everyday life and eventually become totally debilitating. Emetophobes are essentially afraid of their own body, and there’s no getting away from the possibility of getting sick. Anyone, at any time, could be carrying around a contagious stomach virus and not know it. Any food could be contaminated with food-borne illness. Most of us live our lives understanding those lingering possibilities, but don’t give them a second thought. And even if we do, we’re able to brush it off quickly.

My anxiety medicine certainly helps curb some of this; but the fear itself is deep-rooted in who I am. I will never be free of it — I just have good days and bad days. But please, please, keep in mind that people like me do exist — and there are far more of us than you likely know.

And their simple request for you to refrain from saying a word or talking about vomit does not go unwarranted — remember it may truly be causing them trauma unbeknownst to you.