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mental health

28 Years Later // Remembering a Tragedy

January 21, 2019 by Rachel 22 Comments

Twenty-eight years ago our lives changed forever. While we all have our own memories of that night, my own are still incredibly vivid — and certainly helped shape me into the adult I am today.

You see, 28 years ago, on MLK day, my younger sister and I were sitting in the living room watching TV. We had just finished eating dinner and we were on the couch in our pajamas. I was only 6. My little sister was not yet 4. The phone rang and my parents answered it from their bedroom down the hall. What I heard next were blood-curdling screams of my mother.

I remember my sister and I running back to their bedroom, terrified. What we saw were both of our parents hysterically crying. We both began crying as well. We had never seen our parents crying before and this was all so very scary. We didn’t know what was going on, but we were both very afraid.

Shortly thereafter, we were driven down to our neighbors’ house. We knew our parents had to go somewhere and that they wouldn’t be home for the rest of the night. We spent half of our childhoods at our neighbors home, playing with their two children of similar ages, but this was the first time I did not want to be there. I was scared.

The next morning I went to school, where I was met with condolences of teachers and school administration. I still had no idea what had happened.

I’m honestly not sure who told me what happened. At some point during that school day, someone had told me.

My maternal grandfather was shot and killed the night before.

The next several years of my life were filled with a sort of grief that no child of that age should have to deal with. Having the trauma of your first experience with death be that of murder was excruciating. I didn’t understand how or why someone would do this. And I spent the rest of my childhood acutely aware that (in my 6-year-old words) “bad things are happening in the world and I don’t understand how other kids are so happy all of the time.”

Now, 28-years-later, it amazes me that on top of my mothers’ grief, she also had to deal with two very traumatized children. She was not even yet 30 herself! Three men stole her father from her life far too soon for no reason other than a carjacking gone wrong.

I have the clarity now that only time can provide. Occasionally the whole family will discuss the memories of the details of that awful night — each of my moms 6 brothers and sisters and all of my cousins have varying stories of what we remember in the immediate aftermath. But time also truly does heal. And, although I’ve found forgiveness for the act itself, I still do not forgive them for stealing my innocence and causing a tremendous amount of anxiety.

While today I’ve been thinking about that horrible night, for the rest of the 364 days of the year, I think only of his memory — of his laugh, his smile, his warmth, and his love. The other 364 days, I remember my grandfather, not the tragedy. ♥ ♥

Filed Under: family, life, mental health Tagged With: family, life, mental health

Bird Box + Motherhood

January 5, 2019 by Rachel 8 Comments

Bird Box Review – Honest thoughts from a mother. The feelings of delayed attachment and failure to feel the urge to nurture is so relatable.

So the day after all of the hype (and, admittedly, after reading a spoiler-laden review), I decided to watch this “spooky” movie.

I had a lot of feelings while watching this. And I need to warn you, there may be spoilers ahead.

I cried. A lot. Like, a lot.

And then I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I thought about this movie the entire night. I couldn’t quite place why I thought about it all night, but nonetheless, I did not sleep.

I watched as my Facebook friends left “meh, I don’t get the hype!” personal reviews and I would respond with something along the lines of “Really? I was so moved by this movie.”

I watched it again a few days later. This time, I was less “afraid” of it being a scary movie. Instead, I was fully enthralled in the dialogue and story.

Upon that second viewing, I realized just why I was so upset moved by the movie Bird Box.

Here’s the thing — Malorie is one-thousand percent relatable as a mother. I, for one, didn’t want to or intend to be a mother. Much like Malorie. I feared I wouldn’t be immediately attached with my firstborn. And guess what? I wasn’t — and that’s NOT uncommon, but it is a dirty little secret that most new moms refuse to talk about.

But it shouldn’t be.

My only immediate connection to motherhood was the urge to keep this new, tiny human, alive. I didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of love; just the need to continue to be the caretaker — to transition this new person from womb to the real world.

So it was refreshing to see that portrayed on the big screen, by the main character, without any major negative connotations. Usually, when a mother is portrayed as less-than-nurturing, they are seen as ‘weak’ or ‘unfit,’ but that was not the case in Bird Box. Malorie was simply acting as many of us would (and have) in times of crisis (such as the postpartum period).

Watching Malorie travel down the river blindfolded felt like a great analogy for the postpartum and adjustment period as a new mother. As a new mom we feel like we can go through these motions blind. We can feed, bathe, change, and help our new babies sleep — even if we fail to feel any other connection. And that’s what she did. She made it through a literal river of demons to keep her babies alive. That’s how I felt after having a baby and dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety — and it’s a story I’ve heard time and time again from my mom friends.

I feel like a lot of moms I know could really relate to Bird Box in a way that many people without children (or even dads) fail to initially grasp. It wasn’t just some horror flick. It was the most imaginative movie about motherhood that I’ve ever seen — without even meaning to be. If you haven’t yet had a chance to watch it, do yourself a favor and catch it on Netflix now!

And for those of you moms that are in the thick of your battle to connect and nurture, just know it will come. I promise. You’ll get through your river of demons, too. ♥

Filed Under: #MomLife, mental health, mommyhood, parenthood, postpartum, review Tagged With: #MomLife, mental health, mommyhood, motherhood, parenthood, postpartum, review

A Different Kind of Happy

December 14, 2018 by Rachel 12 Comments

“We haven’t been happy for a long time.”

Before Kids – AKA when it was easy

Disclaimer – this may be an unpopular post/opinion, but it’s real life. And, in all honesty, when my husband said this out loud to me, I responded with, “we’re just a different kind of happy.” But then he said, “Yeah but not a ‘happy all the time just because‘ happy.”

And you know what? He’s right.

But so am I.

Having kids is completely draining. Sure, it’s emotionally draining. But it’s also physically demanding. At the end of a busy day, when you have zero left to give, you have no choice but to give just a bit more. Your little humans’ lives are depending on it.

And it’s emotionally exhausting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been brought to my knees and at the mercy of a two-year-old demanding lord knows what. That’s not to say that I give in, but I’ll tell ya what — there have been many moments where I’ve negotiated with the (tiny) terrorist if it meant just a little bit of sleep.

Would I trade them? Not for all of the riches in the world.

But I can still long for the days where I only had to wipe *only* my own ass.

The days where I could live by my own schedule.

The nights where I could work extra hours in the office and not have to worry about anyone waking up and needing me in the middle of a deadline.

I look at my husband and long for moments where we aren’t both too tired to converse during (a long overdue) date night.

Surely I know these days and moments are fleeting. But right now? Right now they are REALLY FREAKING HARD. They are fabulous, messy, hilarious, frustrating, and so. damn. HARD.

So if you’re in the thick of it like us, just know that you’re not alone when you get these feelings. It’s okay to be bummed about the fact that your life looks vastly different than it did before. It doesn’t make you a bad mom (or dad); It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids; It just means you’re normal.

 

Filed Under: #MomLife, children, family, health, life, live happy, mental health, mommyhood, parenthood, wellness Tagged With: #MomLife, being a mom, children, family, health, Live Happy, mental health, mommyhood, parenthood, wellness

9 Postpartum Must-Haves

August 28, 2018 by Rachel 27 Comments

Bringing a new baby home is a huge adjustment — both for the new mom and the family. But one of the best things that you can do as a mom is to take care of yourself. It’s taken a few years to learn these things, but here is my list of postpartum must-haves for all moms!

1. Motrin.

I’ve been through three very different deliveries and each time I’ve needed help with aches and pains postpartum. Whether you’ve been through a drug-free delivery, a vaginal delivery with an epidural, or a c-section, Motrin will be your new BFF — at least for a few days.

Birth is traumatic, ya’ll. Even when it isn’t, it is. Whichever way you bring a new life into this world, it’s rough on your body. Don’t be a martyr, take the Motrin and take it often. I learned the first time around that it’s not a good idea to wait until you need it; instead just take it when you’re allowed.

2. Meals. 

Ready-to-eat frozen meals, restaurant gift cards, a meal train — all of it. Whether you’re adding baby number one or baby number 7 to your family, the last thing a new mom wants to do is prepare food. In fact, you’ll need to eat as soon as you get a free moment.

If anyone asks if they can bring you a meal or a gift card to a restaurant, absolutely accept it. I felt so guilty about doing this the first time around, but I realized long afterward that I could do this for other people and pay it forward. So with baby number two and number three, I accepted every meal gift. Mostly it’s just moms who have been there and know how difficult it can be.

3. Comfortable clothes/pajamas.

The days (and weeks) that follow the birth of a new child will be days (and weeks) of hunkering down at home. If it’s your first child, you may think you need to wear real clothes. I’m here to tell you, just don’t. I mean, sure — shower and try to get yourself together because it will make you feel better. But you also need to feel comfortable. Your body, regardless of what kind of birth you’ve had, has been through trauma. So make sure you have several sets of comfortable clothes whether it be pajamas or sweatpants or whatever.

4. Depends.

Everyone will tell you how much you need the giant pads but I’m here to tell you that I’m not about that life. Did you know that Depends Silhouettes exist?! Because they are glorious! They are not like diapers in any way, shape, or form; in fact, they are (almost) comfortable. So ditch the pads — buy the depends.

5. Stool Softeners. 

Whatever experience you’ve had with birth, a child has exited your body. And for 40-weeks a baby has grown inside of you. Your organs have shifted to make room and then shifted back very, very, suddenly. This and hormonal changes wreak havoc on our digestive systems. Whether or not you think you need them, take the stool softeners. They’ll be offered to you in the hospital — take them. And make sure you have a small pack of them at home to get you through the first week or two.

6. Breastpads. 

Whether you decide to breastfeed or formula-feed, your breasts will leak — and you should most certainly be prepared. While I so desperately want to be a supporter of reusable breast pads, I have to say that I’ve tried the silicone breast pads and they are massively uncomfortable. Either get yourself the fabric reusables or the disposables.

7. Comfortable Nursing Bras + Tanks.

Comfort is key postpartum! Your tatas will hurt. So make them comfortable by finding bras and tanks that are secure but also not too tight.

8. Air Conditioning.

Hormones do crazy things. One of those things is making us sweat our booty off postpartum! Even after having my January baby, I was sweating like crazy — so much so that my husband had to sleep in the other room because I was freezing him out! So you’ll need air conditioning or, at the very least, a really good fan to circulate the air.

But no worries, because your hormones will even out and you’ll be back at a normal resting temperature before you know it!

9. Grace.

I’ve talked a lot about grace and motherhood. But I promise you it is not to be cliché. It is the one thing that has saved me, often times from myself. After becoming a mom for the first time I realized that I had put way too much pressure on myself, especially in those first few postpartum weeks. I accepted too many visitors and I stressed myself out by trying to ‘keep up’ with housework.

Just don’t. Breathe. Delegate. And give yourself all of the grace.

What are some

of the items

on your postpartum

must-have list?

Filed Under: #MomLife, babies, breastfeeding, busy mom, children, family, health, mental health, mommyhood, Oh baby!, parenthood, postpartum, tips + tricks, wellness Tagged With: #MomLife, babies, being a mom, breastfeeding, busy mom, children, family, health, mental health, mommyhood, motherhood, oh baby, parenthood, postpartum, tips + tricks, wellness

How To Trust Your Mother’s Instinct

July 31, 2018 by Rachel 13 Comments

Disclosure: This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TrustInGentle #ChooseGentle #CollectiveBias

Parenting is an exhausting, but rewarding, journey. Even now, taking home my third newborn, I find myself saying “Wait, is this normal? Should she have these bumps!? Is she running a fever?!”

As moms we second guess everything. Whether it's our first kid or our 7th kid, the decisions we're faced with on a daily basis are difficult. Click To Tweet

I feel lucky to have created a tribe of wonderful women to rally around me for support when I’m in dire need of my mothering questions answered. This ‘tribe’ ranges from my mom to other relatives, to grandparents, to friends, to my online community.

They’ve helped me answer so many questions and given me the confidence I’m missing in those moments of sleep deprivation. They’ve listened to me cry when my babies would not sleep. They’ve held my hand and helped me through the darkest of times.

Because we have all been there. Every single one of us.

But even though we’ve all had these moments of self-doubt, as moms we also know when to trust our gut. On so many occasions I’ve been equally grateful for my motherly instincts — including a time where I just knew that my eldest needed to be in the emergency room for dehydration caused by a gastrointestinal virus.

All of my tribe — young and old — have grown up trusting JOHNSON’S® baby products for our little ones. And in those moments where my mommy instincts have led me to sleepless nights, it’s nice to know that I can run to Walgreens, day or night, to get those batteries for our thermometer or to pick up the JOHNSON’S® baby shampoo that’s 100% gentle and free of parabens for my littlest one!

It’s so comforting to trust a company that has been around for over 100 years to help care for the ones that are most precious to me. And knowing that their products are more gentle than ever before is so comforting. They are one of the most trusted names in baby products and we’ve trusted JOHNSON’S® products for all three of our children.

JOHNSON’S® continues to be a company that evolves right along with the rest of us — from baby boomers to millennials, JOHNSON’S® stays true to who they are by using only the safest ingredients.

I’m excited to share that you can save money on your favorite JOHNSON’S® products at Walgreens! From now until August 25th, buy 1 and get 1 50% off with your Walgreens balance rewards card! So you can feel extra good about treating your littlest loves with the #1 choice of hospitals! So head over to Walgreens and feel good about saving money on the products we’ve all loved for generations.

And mamas — in moments of self-doubt, remember your tribe and your neighborhood Walgreens will always be there for you. Oh, and so will I. 😉

Filed Under: #MomLife, babies, children, deals, mental health, mommyhood, money saving tips, Oh baby!, parenthood, sponsor, tips + tricks Tagged With: #MomLife, babies, children, deals, mental health, mommyhood, money saving tips, oh baby, parenthood, sponsor, tips + tricks

Postpartum Update // Two

July 16, 2018 by Rachel 16 Comments

I can’t believe this little lady has been with us for three whole weeks already! Honestly, the last few weeks have felt like months — but I look down at my still-soft belly and feel my organs still shifting back into place and I remember that, oh yes, it’s only been three weeks.

Sleep  //

We’re riding the roller coaster of sleep over here. Some nights are great while other nights are completely overwhelming. That being said, this child is still a much better sleeper than her siblings ever were as infants. The other night she slept for 6 hours straight, which to this day is still hit or miss with Ari and Remy.

I know, I know… I’m lucky. Very lucky. But there have been nights with constant screaming and zero sleep as well. And those nights are really, really, difficult. I truly think I have PTSD from Remy and on these nights I get incredible anxiety and flashbacks of her infancy.

One thing that has helped is consistency. If I keep her actively keep her awake in the afternoon (which means she’s screaming and angry) and put her down around 7:30 – 8:00 PM, she’ll sleep for a few hours straight. So we’re sticking to this schedule as much as possible.

Breastfeeding  //

Nursing Mila is still going well. My supply seems to have stabilized a bit and I’m no longer engorged. But, gosh, there are days where I wish I wasn’t her only way of nourishment! I know that all nursing mamas have felt this way at some point or another, but there are some days where I wish I could just sleep and hand her off to my husband.

Maternity Leave + Paternity Leave  //

Speaking of my husband, he’s still on paternity leave. Actually, he went back to work for two days before I begged him to take two additional weeks off. I was overwhelmed from having a sick toddler and a newborn (Remy contracted Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease the morning of the 4th of July and has been super contagious ever since). So he has been home with us — Thank GOD.

I decided, however, to get Ari and Mila out of the house by returning to work at the end of last week. It was a gentle transition back for all of us. Ari got to see all of his friends from the YMCA and play all morning, meanwhile I handed Mila off to my coworker and snuggled other babies in childcare. It was great!

The Big Kids  //

HFM Disease really threw our world upside down. I mean, it was awful. She woke up on the 4th with a fever and threw up. I thought “Oh no — another stomach bug!” But the next morning she woke up without the fever, but with bumps around her mouth and booty. And then all over her legs, feet, and hands.

We did a digital appointment with a pediatrician so I didn’t have to take everyone out of the house and she confirmed that, yes, it was HFM. When she found out I also had a newborn at home she cringed. I had to do my best to keep her away from her new baby sister — you know, the one she’s been obsessed over since the day she was born.

That’s the point at which I begged Chad to take another 2 weeks off of work.

Luckily, at 10 days after the fever, all of her symptoms seemed to be completely gone. Which meant she could finally get out of the house for a bit. So I took her to our favorite place — Target!

This cart hammock from Binxy Baby makes our frequent trips to the store a million times easier. Not only do people seem to compliment it nonstop, but I have the entire cart free for groceries (which certainly wouldn’t happen with her giant car seat in the cart).

Ari, however, has been able to get out and enjoy himself quite a bit lately. I took him and Mila on an adventure to the LEGO Store for their monthly mini build followed by lunch and he was in HEAVEN.

I had zero distractions from him since his baby sister slept the whole time, so he loved having my undivided attention.

He’s also been going to Tot Time in the park still and he participated in our community Goldfish Catch (which is basically filling up the community wading pool with goldfish and sending the kids in to catch them — ha!)!

So he’s been living the good life while Remy has been miserable. But here’s hoping we’re on the upswing for everyone!

Mental + Physical Health  //

Mentally, I feel mostly okay. I’m still surprised that I seem to have avoided any signs of PPD/PPA thus far. And my most difficult times certainly seem to be the moments where all of the children are screaming and demanding, which is to be expected.

And physically I’m feeling pretty good. My immediate postpartum weight loss seems to have leveled off a bit. I’ve not ever been one of those nursing moms who drops weight quickly. In fact, my body seems to think it needs to go into hibernation mode while I’m breastfeeding.

So I’m starting back on Weight Watchers to keep myself accountable — plus, they take into account all of the extra food I’m supposed to be eating as an exclusively breastfeeding mom! And I’m definitely looking forward to getting back into my workout routine soon!

We’re still very much in survival mode and I’m certain we have some major changes coming next week when Chad officially goes back to work. So keep sending all of your positive vibes our way!

 

 

Disclosure: I received the Binxy Baby in exchange for my honest review. As always, all opinions herein are my own.

Filed Under: #MomLife, babies, breastfeeding, busy mom, children, family, health, maternity leave, mental health, mommyhood, Oh baby!, parenthood, postpartum, review, tips + tricks Tagged With: #MomLife, babies, being a mom, busy mom, children, family, health, maternity leave, mental health, oh baby, parenthood, postpartum, review, tips + tricks

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