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beliefs

#MeToo

November 30, 2017 by Rachel 20 Comments

I’ve gone back and forth about publishing this since the original #MeToo movement started. Truthfully, there are about a million other holiday-themed posts I should be posting right now. But this is just too important to put off for any longer.

A part of me hasn’t wanted to share this story because, well, it’s hard revisiting some of these things, ya know? Because once I opened the floodgates in my memory, the memories came pouring back in. And there are plenty of #MeToo memories.

But in light of some of the recent allegations of men in positions of power, I decided to finally share the one story that feels most similar.

...in light of some of the recent allegations of men in positions of power, I decided to finally share the one story that feels most similar. #MeToo Click To Tweet

In 2005, while I was still an undergrad, I started a sales job at a large cable company in Syracuse, New York. I loved my job, I loved the people I was working with, and I loved being part of a team. Oh — the excellent money and full benefits were a huge perk! I was leaps and bounds ahead of the job game with a ‘real job’ before graduation!

At the time I lived in a small 1.5 bedroom apartment by myself. Well, my puppy, Oscar, lived with me, too. I would wake up at 4am, go to the gym for two hours, head home before going to class, and go straight from class to my job until 10pm. I had weekends free and, since I was in my early 20s at the time, would head out with friends after work to the local pub on occasion. Basically, I was living the 20-something dream.

Since I was a non-traditional undergrad, many of my friends came from work instead of school. It was no big deal, but most of my friends were also about 5-10 years older than me.

Well one night I had a couple of friends over for wine and laughs — one school friend (female) and one work friend (male). Eventually my girlfriend had to leave to go see her boyfriend. Again, no big deal. Well minutes later, while hanging with my male friend, I had a knock on my door.

It was a male supervisor from the sales department.

He was not invited.

He looked up my address in our work billing system.

He drove to my house.

My (male) work friend and I were… shocked. I didn’t know what to do. The supervisor asked if he could come in and just hang out while he was waiting for his friends to meet up. Again, intimidated, I didn’t know what to do. So I let him in.

The supervisor asked if he could use my laptop real quick to look something up about where he was meeting his friend. I said sure.

He didn’t look up his meeting spot. He looked up porn instead.

At this point I pretended to be really exhausted and nodded to my male friend like “Dude, please get him to leave.” So my male friend suggested to the supervisor that they both leave so I could get some sleep. They both left. My male friend waited with his car running so that he could come back in and check on me, but the supervisor just waited in his car with it running, too.

My friend drove off in hopes that the supervisor would follow.

He didn’t.

He walked back up the stairs and let himself in my apartment (which I hadn’t had a chance to lock yet, as I was ‘playing asleep.’).

He came into my bedroom.

He whispered in my ear.

I pretended to still be asleep.

And I’m lucky that he thought I was asleep and decided to leave.

And I'm lucky that he thought I was asleep and decided to leave. #MeToo Click To Tweet

I’m one of the lucky ones.

But I was shaken. Visibly shaken. I called my friends and told them what happened and they were baffled.

One of them gossiped about it at work and told my coworker, Tracey. Tracey went to HR for me. I am so grateful for this gossip, because I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do so myself.

HR took swift action. They questioned me. So did the VP of the department. They made me feel safe.

But the rest of my coworkers lashed out at me. They didn’t understand why I would “try to get him in trouble.” All they saw was that *I* was doing this to *him*.

In the end, he was fired. He had to face his wife and make up some lie about how he got fired for throwing a beach ball at someone and they complained (no joke — this was his story for his [eventual] ex-wife).

But the backlash continued for me for a while. It made going into work — a place I considered to be fun and safe — a nightmare. The taunting, the verbal harassment, and the workplace discomfort was awful. I eventually transferred.

All of this is to say that my #MeToo story had a semi-happy ending with a not-as-traumatic beginning. Things could have gone way worse. But it’s still sickening that these stories are all too common. Heck, it’s likely happened to someone you know and gone unreported. Or maybe to you?

We need to continue to speak up. Certainly not all men are guilty of these crimes; but almost all women are the recipients of them. Because offenders are often repeat offenders. They use power and position to keep us quiet.

But I urge you to speak up. Speak up and speak out. Be loud. Tell your story. Heck, tell your stories — as uncomfortable as they may be. The only way to stop this is to bring attention to it as it’s happening.

Because I don’t want the next generation to be able to say #MeToo.

Because I don't want the next generation to be able to say #MeToo. Click To Tweet

Thank you for listening. xo ♥ ♥ ♥

For statistics on harassment see here. 

Filed Under: activisim, beliefs, feminism, health, life, Syracuse Tagged With: #MeToo, activism, beliefs, feminism, health, health and beauty, life, mental health, Syracuse

Celebrating Little Victories!

June 22, 2014 by Rachel Leave a Comment

I’ve had an ‘off’ week this past week. I can’t exactly explain why. So instead of letting the ‘blah’-ness of a couple of rough weeks wear me down, I’m celebrating the small victories and the little things…

  • It’s no secret that I love my UP by Jawbone. It keeps me (extra) motivated. Well I’ve walked/ran an average of 13,844 steps PER DAY over the last 16 days.

    That’s a total of 221,517 STEPS IN SIXTEEN DAYS! I worked my butt off to keep myself moving even on days where I just didn’t feel like it.

image (1)

  • Our house is clean and (semi) organized. That’s just a complete win, in my opinion. It doesn’t happen all that often where I feel like I can sit down. Usually I’m thinking “I should be doing [insert name of chore here].”
  • I drove in the car for about an hour and a half, by myself, with the windows down and my fave playlist blasting. Sometimes that’s all I need to reset myself, but I don’t end up driving far enough distances on a regular basis to accommodate it. Plus, Moosh is usually in the car with me. Not this time! 🙂
  • I’m feeling and seeing results from a 7-day clean-eating challenge I’m currently doing. Starting to feel better gives me even more drive + motivation to keep going! — Even if no one else can tell — YET!
  • My husband and Moosh are both healthy AND happy. After seeing some pictures from a local childrens’ hospital, it put things back into perspective: At least we have our health.
  • I can say that I survived a week that really pushed me to my limits. It was rough, but I made it.

Filed Under: beliefs, fitness, health, life Tagged With: fitness, health, life

remember:

December 14, 2011 by Rachel 1 Comment

Tweet

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Sometimes we all need to be reminded.

Filed Under: beliefs, inspiration, mantra

still processing.

July 5, 2010 by Rachel 17 Comments

This past Tuesday I came face to face with one of the men that shot and killed my grandfather 19 years ago. It was the first time I have ever seen him in person. I meant to write about this Tuesday night, but, honestly, it took me a while to digest what had happened.

I met my family in downtown Cleveland at the Federal courthouse. I’ve never been in a courtroom before. Federal Courtrooms are… intimidating… even for law-abiding citizens such as myself. We were there because the man who was convicted of murdering my grandfather, whom is on death row, is claiming a mistrial in 1991.

Here is the deal: I don’t want my grandfathers killer to be executed. This isn’t always a popular opinion, but I really don’t think that you understand until you are part of the victims family. Let me explain. It’s taken me a long time to deal with everything you have to deal with when someone you love is murdered; I didn’t live a “normal” childhood because of it; I was overly sensitive to things a child should not even be aware of.

But I forgave the men who killed my grandfather. I forgave them because it’s exhausting carrying around that much hatred for someone. I decided that I didn’t want him to be executed because, let’s face it, playing God and choosing who lives and who dies just breeds more hatred in the world. He may be a horrible man, but he is a man with a family; he is a man with people who love him and people who would be destroyed if he was executed. And, truth be told, I do not want anyone to feel like I’ve taken away someone they love; I’ve felt that pain. No one should have to feel it

All this being said, I still want him to be in prison forever. And he’s claiming that the reason he found himself in this situation, is because of the way he was raised and the extremely messed up childhood he had. Let me tell you, he HAD a messed up childhood. I’ll give you that. His mother was a drug addict and alcoholic. He and his mother were beat by his stepfather.

But we all have a story. You can either choose to let it define you, or you can call it a life experience and move on. I’m not saying that these moments don’t change us, cause surely they do. All I’m saying is you take from it what you want to take from it.

We all have things happen to us that help to shape us as individuals — both good things and bad things. But we decide what to do with those experiences. We decide whether to take them and grow from them, or take them and demolish our lives in the name of our tragedies. You create your fate. You decide whether or not you shoot someone. You are in control of your own life.

Basically, I’m not sure what this blog post is about. I have been thinking about getting this out all week, and I am still unsuccessful. Oh well…

Filed Under: about me, annoyances, beliefs, family, life, thoughts

Who do I think I am?

May 27, 2010 by Rachel 3 Comments

I am honest.

I am a loving partner.

I am a yogi in training.

I am a sensitive girl.

I am a blogger and a tweeter, and proud of it.

I am a strong woman.

I am an old soul who likes to be asleep by 9 and up at 5.

I am an older sister and a daughter.

I am happiest when surrounded by the people I love and by those who love and support me.

I am a dedicated friend.

I am addicted to making people smile.

I am a dreamer.

I am trying to be the best me possible.

Inspired by this Exressive Hart post.

Filed Under: about me, beliefs, life, lists

I believe.

April 21, 2009 by Rachel 1 Comment

I was inspired by listening to a special “this I ‘used to’ believe” episode of This American Life yesterday. I thought I’d share a few of my “this I believe’s.”

-I believe that I will be OK, even though I often have to remind myself. I will be OK.

-I believe in the kindness of strangers. I believe that we owe one another this much, at least.

-I believe that if you love someone, you should tell them. And tell them often.

-I believe if you smile constantly, you can trick your mind into being in a good mood.

-I believe that exercising is good for mental health.

-I believe in practicing thinking before speaking. The power that words can have on a person is incredible. I’d like to avoid saying something I might later regret.

Filed Under: beliefs, words to live by

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