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age

Remy Bea // 5 Months

June 30, 2016 by Rachel 4 Comments

I’m going to preface this post with this: This may be the worst possible time for me to be writing this blog post.

I’m exhausted. I’m overwhelmed. I’m 100% totally and completely emotionally drained. And I’m so incredibly depressed.

There. I said it. I know I’ve said that before. But it’s not getting better. And I feel like I’m suffocating. Before I get into the cutesy part of this post, let me explain.

But first, let’s look at a cute picture of baby girl:

bb1-2
This child barely sleeps. And I’m not just saying that in jest. Like, you actually wouldn’t believe that a baby could survive on such little sleep. Oh, and cluster-feeding. Always. She ‘wakes up’ around 6:30-7:00am. And typically naps for about 15-25 minutes in the morning (between waking up and noon). In the afternoon we get either no nap or a good nap. It varies day-to-day. One day she’ll nap for 2 hours. Other days she’ll nap for 40 minutes. I keep a consistent bedtime routine and start that around 7:15pm. If I can get her to sleep, it typically takes an hour to two hours… just to get her to sleep. And then she wakes back up again. Like, 15 minutes later.

Monday night I slept for 90 minutes. Total. Because she only slept for 90 minutes.

And there were so. many. tears. I’ve heard and read all of the advice in the world. So at this point, I’m not exactly looking for that. I am, however, accepting hugs, coffee and wine.

I literally wanted to drive myself to a hospital Monday night and ask for some sort of medicine to help curb my complete and total nervous breakdown. And I’ve never been so … so … vulnerable.

I spent most of the night on the phone with my mom, crying. I didn’t say anything and she didn’t say anything. She just listened to me cry. Because when you’re feeling that low and alone, you just want someone to be there with you. And I’m lucky enough to have my mom, my husband, and plenty of other people [my tribe!] to just listen to me cry.

On Tuesday the last thing I wanted to do was to be a functioning human being. But then the thought of staying home alone with both kids made me feel like I couldn’t survive. So I went to work. I went to my people. They listened. They heard me cry. They comforted me. And they didn’t make me feel crazy. They assured me that we’ve all had these feelings of “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

It’s not pretty. It’s ugly. It’s the worst. But the way you know you’re not crazy?? You know when to ask for help. And I did.

bb2-1
Well here’s a Five Month Update:

  • She rolled over to her belly from her back. Aaaand immediately started to scream. Ha!
  • Miss Bea has taken a bottle exactly one time.
  • Related: I have donated about 300 ounces of milk and I have signed on to be a long-term donor for a local woman (because if Remy does decide to take a bottle, I’ll still have a gazillion ounces). It was so nice to meet her and to hear her story and share our beliefs and struggles with one another. And as someone who has accepted donor milk, it made me smile. All day.
  • She still has zero teeth. My “teething-since-6-weeks” baby is still a gummy, hot, drooly mess! Ha!
  • Babycakes weighs a whopping 12.5 pounds. Seriously. She’s tiny. It’s ok, and funny, but tiny.
  • Ari has never been on antibiotics. Remy? Is on her second round. Because, UTIs.

bb3-1

  • She thinks her brother is the funniest thing on the face of the earth. I’d share the video of her laughing — HARD — but it’s totally NSFW. Because it was of me and her in the bathtub! Haaaa!
  • Her eyes vary from super blue to super hazel. I’m guessing she’ll have hazel eyes just like her brother. I don’t hate that.
  • She responds to her name. It’s cute. And I honestly don’t remember if Ari responded to his name this early!
  • I can’t believe it, but she can bring things to her mouth. She’s been doing this for the better part of the month, actually. She started just by bringing her binky to her mouth, regardless of what side it was or if it was the string. But now she actually moves it and puts it in the right way! Also, in the bathtub she grabs at the water I pour down on her. 🙂
  • Girlfriend straight up hates not being held. I mean it. If ever there was a child that loved skin-to-skin contact, it’s her. I don’t hate it, but I could use a break from time to time.

My heart is still heavy, friends. It just is. So feel free to send hugs (and wine.. and coffee…) if you feel so inclined. But mostly just remember that YES we signed up for this; but that doesn’t mean it is without it’s struggles. And sometimes those struggles are bigger than us.

xo

Filed Under: #MomLife, age, babies, baby girl, busy mom, children, life, mommyhood, Oh baby!, parenthood, pictures, postpartum, Remy Bea Tagged With: #MomLife, babies, baby girl, being a mom, busy mom, children, family, life, mommyhood, motherhood, oh baby, parenthood, pictures, postpartum, Remy Bea

31 FOR 31 //

December 4, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

It’s been a while since I set any sort of goals for myself. In fact, it’s been over a year! Holy smokes. So it’s time to change that — to give myself a sense of purpose in my thirty-first year of life. Even if this list is making its way two whole months after my 31st birthday. 🙂

I’ve posted similar goals sporadically in the past, but I’ve always gone a bit ‘overboard’ with my lists. Which completely overwhelms me and then I do absolutely none of it. So this year I’m keeping it simple-ish.

31for31
[1]  Run another half marathon. Having a baby in the middle of the winter will certainly help because we won’t have many options to leave the house. So enter the treadmill!

[2]  Find a new job/career that will offer more of a work/life balance.

[3]  Have a successful no-spend 30 days.

[4]  …. in which I also cook/eat at home for 30 days straight.

[5]  Pay it forward to someone by paying for their coffee.

[6]  Take a cooking class.

[7]  Take a “makers” workshop of some sort.

[8]  Purge + donate old items from my closet.

[9]  Get rid of old electronics.

[10]  Completely reorganize our bedroom.

[11]  Completely reorganize our laundry room.

[12]  Donate blood.

[13]  Get a haircut. I know this seems like NBD. But honestly? I haven’t had a haircut in like 18 months.

[14]  Get back to my pre-baby weight.

[15]  Attend a county or state fair.

[16]  Participate in another Wine + Canvas event.

[17]  Meditate everyday for 30 days.

[18]  Do a 7-day juice fast.

[19]  Workout for 30-days straight.

[20]  Go 30-days without alcohol Postpartum obvy cause being pregnant and doing that would be cheating, right?

[21]  Complete a cross-stitch project that I’ve had the tools for.

[22]  Go to a comedy show.

[23]  Take a road trip to NY State.

[24]  Attend a pro sporting event.

[25]  See a movie at The Nightlight theater in Akron.

[26]  Take a Balance + Brews yoga class.

[27]  Complete a 60-day streak of 10k steps per day.

[28]  Set up my home-office in my bedroom.

[29]  Take a SUP yoga class.

[30]  Visit a local winery and do a wine tasting.

[31]  Attend a yoga event.

I feel like this list is totally attainable — unlike other lists I’ve made in the past. So I’m totally looking forward to scratching one off at a time! No worries — I’ll update it as I go!

Sidenote: I totally almost named this “31 before 31″… and it literally took me like 3 hours to realize that I AM ALREADY 31! Ha. Myyyyy bad.

Filed Under: #MomLife, 31 for 31, age, another year, bucket list, goals, life, lists, plans Tagged With: #MomLife, 31 for 31, age, another year, bucket list, goal crusher, goals, life, list, making plans, plans

Bringing Awareness to #Underwareness //

May 18, 2015 by Rachel 1 Comment

When I got pregnant with Ari I heard the stories from veteran moms about “after you have kids,” lots of things change with your body. Sure, I expected some of them; but I was convinced other things were being over dramatized.

Friends, I will tell you, you definitely DO sleep again after having kids; you definitely DO ‘find yourself’ again after having kids; but the bladder leakage thing? that was the truth.

I’ve never been one to shy away from the good, the bad, or the ugly. So I’m going to spill it. I started to first experience bladder leakage when I was pregnant with Ari. From day one that kid seemed to be sitting directly on my bladder. It made everything difficult to do without a little bladder leakage. I remember one day, early in the pregnancy, going for a run around my neighborhood. It was then that I had my first bladder leakage ‘incident.’ From then on every walk and every sneeze was a mystery.

Thankfully I was saved by Depends Silhouette Active Fit Briefs. They have a low-rise waist so they feel more like underwear and they are available in tan and black! Comfortable and not nearly as hideous as those bulky adult-diapers!

depend1
I assumed that postpartum, I would no longer have bladder leakage, but I did. It turns out “they” were right about that, too. No amount of prenatal kegels can reverse the damage that childbirth does to your body and your bladder. Sure, the bladder leakage has been occurring less often postpartum, but it still does occur.

depend2
In fact, there are more women with bladder leakage in their 20s than in their 80s! Over 65 million people worldwide experience bladder leakage.

Depend is trying to erase some of the stigma people have with bladder leakage. Depend is encouraging people to show their support for women with bladder leakage. For every photo and video shared using #Underwareness and featuring Depend products, the Depend brand will donate $1, up to $3 million, through 2016 to fund charities that advance the research and education of bladder leakage.
Thats a pretty sizeable donation! So please support #Underwareness and share your photos! Maybe we can beat bladder leakage once and for all! Until then use the new Depend Silhouette Active Fit and don’t be ashamed!

 

This post is sponsored by Depend but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

linqiadepend

Filed Under: age, postpartum, review, sponsor Tagged With: postpartum, review, sponsor

October 7, 2010 by Rachel 7 Comments

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I was too exhausted to thank you all yesterday!
My birthday was fantastic!

When I woke up, BF had put little gifts around the house because he isn’t usually awake before I leave for work. Which definitely made me want to just hop back into bed with him all day, but I forced myself to get my butt to work.

{image}

For my big birthday celebration, he took me to Vegiterranean, a vegan restaurant in Downtown Akron. We had been meaning to go here for a while, but timing had never been right or we always had something going on.

The food was fantastic! The restaurant serves cruelty-free vegan dishes.

I delighted in a little pre-meal, tasty beverage. I had a raspberry mojito and it was delish!


We started with the “Chrissie Promises Best Fries” which are a sweet potato fry served with house-made balsamic ketchup.

{pic via my iPhone… hence the poor quality}
For our main dishes we ordered the Mango BBQ Pizza and Spaghettini with Italian Vegan “Meatballs” with Scot’s House-Made Marinara!

It was delicious.

{Please ignore my cheese-ball face.}
So pretty much the most fantastic birthday ever!
More birthday celebrations tonight, but more to come on that later!

https://itsahero.com/632/

Filed Under: about me, age, Akron, BF, birthday, drinks, food, fun, life, love, Ohio, pictures, thanks

So. Friggin’. Exhausted.

May 18, 2009 by Rachel 2 Comments


Here we are again! Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. I’m currently typing from the comforts of BFs couch with one of his kitties (the absolute cutest kitten I have ever seen). So how did I get here, the point of complete exhaustion?


Well after Friday nights Karaoke nonsense, I went to work on Saturday at the yoga studio. After work, I went to Target to pick up a baby shower gift for my friend NIM’s baby shower. While I was at Target I found some super cute bathing suit. It seemed like a good idea to try them on. Not so much. I received a quick reminder that I am not 16 anymore. That, yes, my body has changed since high school. And that my hips are slightly wider. I felt so crappy. BF attempted to cheer me up by telling me how beautiful I am. It helped. 🙂

After Target I hit up a power vinyasa yoga class. This was a BAD idea. I have been to 5 classes this week. I didn’t allow myself enough time to recover from previous practices. OUCH! It was rough. But I made it through. And luckily, the teacher was my most favorite teacher ever. She always has something inspirational to say. It is always exactly what I need to hear at that exact moment. I think she’s my angel! Does anyone else feel this way about someone who has no idea?

After yoga I picked up some dinner from Trader Joe’s and then treated myself to a Caramel Macchiato from SBUX! Wonderful end to a semi-blah day. I went home and cooked myself some dinner and watched Marley and Me. Potentially the third bad idea of the day (see previous paragraphs). What. A. Sad. Movie. Wow. The only funny part was that Oscar recognizes dogs on the TV. He went NUTS! He stared at the TV, 1/2 growling, 1/2 barking, but definitely staring. It was hilarious! But for the sad parts, the Oscar disappeared. Right when I needed him most to cuddle with me! Oh well.

This morning I slept in a bit and then went to a pilates class. After pilates I had to run to Target (again) because I failed to actually pick up a gift yesterday (thanks to my bikini obsession/depression). I picked up a gift off the registry and somehow managed to pick up a bunch of cleaning supplies as well. I barely made it to BFs in time to get ready and head to the baby shower.

NIM looked adorable at her shower! And it turns out I’m horrible at baby shower games (oh well). It was nice to see people from work outside of work. It’s a completely different atmosphere when this occurs. After the baby shower I ran back to Target (what is my deal, for real?!?) to pick up just a couple more items for my clean-a-thon. Thank goodness I did!

I had my work cut out for me. So while BF is gone I am cleaning his entire house, including the pantry (which was a disaster). He blames his pantry on being a bachelor, but this is far worse than I could have ever imagined. He buys in bulk and he has a second freezer. He also buys dry items and keeps them stored. This works out well. He’s got everything. If I’m craving it, he’s got it. However, this is how it looked:


After 2 and a half hours, this is how it turned out:




I think I did a pretty good job! I got fairly frustrated about 1/2 through and thought about giving up, but I think he’ll be pleased when he returns from Denver. In addition, I went on a cleaning rampage! BF never does laundry. He has so many clothes, I swear he never actually needs to do laundry. Well, I did pretty much ALL of his laundry. I also scrubbed the kitchen, top to bottom. Dishes – done. Floor – scrubbed. Sink – cleaned. Counters – scrubbed.

Then I moved on to the kitties litter box area! UGH! But completed. Bathroom is pristine! I bought cleaning supplies (which BF had very few of) to REALLY scrub the shower; floor is scrubbed; toilet is scrubbed; EVERYTHING is scrubbed!

I didn’t get around to making dinner until 9 tonight! But – YUM! – Spaghetti was worth it! While I cooked the s’ghetti, I baked some Oatmeal Chip Cranberry cookies.



I’m now watching some TV, waiting to chat with BF for a bit, and folding his ENDLESS amounts of laundry! I. Am. TIRED! Ugh. What a weekend!

How was everyone’s weekend? Did anyone do anything exciting??

Filed Under: age, baking, cleaning, domesticity, movie, weekend, yoga

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