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It’s not you. It’s us. Well technically, it’s both.
This may be the most uncomfortable blog post I’ve ever written. But here it goes: We will not be accepting visitors for a few days after this baby is born.
If you’re nodding but saying “Surely, she doesn’t mean ME, though“. Sadly, yes.
Let me explain:
After ari was born my need to please was on a roll. We had a constant parade of visitors at our house. Meanwhile, I had to keep it clean. And here’s where all of you say “but we don’t care if your house is a mess!” But see, I do. And *I* want it clean for visitors.
Plus, I was having major troubles nursing. So I was pumping. A lot. Like once an hour or so. That alone was exhausting. Add in a colicky baby, adjusting to motherhood, and the physical and mental trauma of labor and delivery that is so often ignored by our society, and enter a severe case of PPD.
Other cultures tend to the postpartum mother and give her a chance to bond with her baby (see this article). But ours gets googly-eyed over newborns and clings to just “5 minutes” of holding them. And it can be a bit overwhelming. I know. I’ve been the visitor before. But after having gone through it, I can honestly say that I am so much more conscious of the fact that a family needs time to heal and time to bond.
You know what? You have to do what feels right for *you*. If a mom/family with a new addition is up for visitors and that’s what works for them, great! But I think the mom/family should have the ultimate say. T’s niece had a new baby the day before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving morning, we went to visit them while they were waiting to get released (since it was a holiday, the process was especially slow). Our opportunities to meet the new family member were limited (since they live in Virginia and we were only there for 3 days over the holiday–the next time we see her, she’ll easily be anywhere from 6 months to a year old), and we were thrilled they invited us, but that’s the thing: it was their call. I didn’t even hold her, because I was getting over a cold and didn’t want to risk even the tiniest chance of infecting her. However, if they had said they weren’t up for visitors, we not only would have respected it, but understood. This is *their* family. (It may have helped that we also came bearing gifts for the daddy who desperately needed Tylenol for a bad headache but couldn’t get any in the hospital since he wasn’t the patient. 😉 Oh, the irony.)
I didn’t want anyone but family to come to the hospital and was cautious to have visitors come to our house with Jeanette was born. She was also born during a snow storm and flu season, so people understood our need for space. Having a winter baby is a lot different I think. When our little boy is born, it will be summer and we have a pool….I will have to work hard to keep people away 😉 My mom’s family came into town when she was a month old to visit and by then I was really ready for people to meet her.
As the other comment said, you have to do what is best for you and your family. If people get offended, that’s their problem. I also have the need to please and it was really hard for me to say no to people, but I know it was right for our family. I also had a c-section and was in a good amount of pain when we got home, but people dropped off food and didn’t stick around too long and it was fine.
You should never have to apologize for this! I don’t have kids, but honestly, it seems crazy to me that people would try or even want to visit in the days immediately after a baby is born. It’s one thing to be like, “Yo, I’m dropping off dinner for you guys, can your husband meet me at the front door to grab it?” but I don’t think anyone needs to be seeing your brand new baby when you’re still getting used to having your brand-new baby! It’s an exhausting, emotional experience, & nobody else’s wants matter as much as your needs do – so do what’s best for your fam & debut that baby girl whenever the hell is right for YOU. <3
Unfriended.
LOL. Thank GOD! 😛