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“We haven’t been happy for a long time.”
Before Kids – AKA when it was easy
Disclaimer – this may be an unpopular post/opinion, but it’s real life. And, in all honesty, when my husband said this out loud to me, I responded with, “we’re just a different kind of happy.” But then he said, “Yeah but not a ‘happy all the time just because‘ happy.”
And you know what? He’s right.
But so am I.
Having kids is completely draining. Sure, it’s emotionally draining. But it’s also physically demanding. At the end of a busy day, when you have zero left to give, you have no choice but to give just a bit more. Your little humans’ lives are depending on it.
Would I trade them? Not for all of the riches in the world.
But I can still long for the days where I only had to wipe *only* my own ass.
The days where I could live by my own schedule.
The nights where I could work extra hours in the office and not have to worry about anyone waking up and needing me in the middle of a deadline.
I look at my husband and long for moments where we aren’t both too tired to converse during (a long overdue) date night.
So if you’re in the thick of it like us, just know that you’re not alone when you get these feelings. It’s okay to be bummed about the fact that your life looks vastly different than it did before. It doesn’t make you a bad mom (or dad); It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids; It just means you’re normal.
I couldn’t agree with you more…just because you can’t be happy the way you use to be, doesn’t mean you can’t be a new happy…It’s the same with age as well. Just because I was hilariously happy in my 20s, doesn’t mean I can’t be overjoyed in my 50s. You gotta find you happy in all situations.
Interesting to read. This is one of the reasons my husband and I have waited to have kids…we want to spend a chunk of our marriage enjoying just being married
What a great read! Thanks for sharing!
More people feel this way than you think! You’re very brave for saying this out loud. I’m sure others can identify.
I love your honesty! And sometimes our level of happiness does change in life. And sometimes we aren’t supposed to be happy ALL of the time. And your honesty about that is VERY refreshing.
SO TRUE!
I totally agree with this and I think most moms would. You are doing a great job!
I am not a mom yet, but I feel like this is so true of many seasons in life. After my brother passed away grief took a toll on our original version of “happy”. That season changed and happiness still looks different than it did before, but it’s happiness in a new way. The older the kiddos get the different kind of happy will change again… good luck “in the trenches” and hoping you find a little rest soon. Great, honest post!
I completely understand. Even when they are teenagers it is a new set of problems. It is good that you can realize that this too will pass. You are making time for each other when you can. People can try to tell you how you need to get more sleep and practice self-care. In reality that is hard! I like honest conversations about these things rather than someone trying to sell me a pipe dream.
It’s SO hard! Sometimes that kind of advice can be determinantal. Not always, but to someone in a dark place? Most definitely. That’s why I try to keep it real. <3 Thanks for keeping it real about what's to come, too! xo
Parenting is indeed a challenging but rewarding task. We will not change it for the world.
I needed this! I’m a mom of five: 2 teens and 3 toddlers. My toddlers’ sleep schedule was flipped during the holidays. I feel like I’m going out of my mind because I haven’t been getting much sleep. I’ve been trying so hard to get their sleep schedule back on track, but they either won’t go to bed or wake up way too early (I’m talking 4 or 5 a.m.). Your post is an encouraging reminder for me that raising kids can be challenging sometimes and drive you bonkers. It’s normal! Lol Here’s to more days of peace and restful nights!