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Twenty-eight years ago our lives changed forever. While we all have our own memories of that night, my own are still incredibly vivid — and certainly helped shape me into the adult I am today.
You see, 28 years ago, on MLK day, my younger sister and I were sitting in the living room watching TV. We had just finished eating dinner and we were on the couch in our pajamas. I was only 6. My little sister was not yet 4. The phone rang and my parents answered it from their bedroom down the hall. What I heard next were blood-curdling screams of my mother.
I remember my sister and I running back to their bedroom, terrified. What we saw were both of our parents hysterically crying. We both began crying as well. We had never seen our parents crying before and this was all so very scary. We didn’t know what was going on, but we were both very afraid.
Shortly thereafter, we were driven down to our neighbors’ house. We knew our parents had to go somewhere and that they wouldn’t be home for the rest of the night. We spent half of our childhoods at our neighbors home, playing with their two children of similar ages, but this was the first time I did not want to be there. I was scared.
The next morning I went to school, where I was met with condolences of teachers and school administration. I still had no idea what had happened.
I’m honestly not sure who told me what happened. At some point during that school day, someone had told me.
My maternal grandfather was shot and killed the night before.
Now, 28-years-later, it amazes me that on top of my mothers’ grief, she also had to deal with two very traumatized children. She was not even yet 30 herself! Three men stole her father from her life far too soon for no reason other than a carjacking gone wrong.
I have the clarity now that only time can provide. Occasionally the whole family will discuss the memories of the details of that awful night — each of my moms 6 brothers and sisters and all of my cousins have varying stories of what we remember in the immediate aftermath. But time also truly does heal. And, although I’ve found forgiveness for the act itself, I still do not forgive them for stealing my innocence and causing a tremendous amount of anxiety.
While today I’ve been thinking about that horrible night, for the rest of the 364 days of the year, I think only of his memory — of his laugh, his smile, his warmth, and his love. The other 364 days, I remember my grandfather, not the tragedy. ♥ ♥
This is horrible – & so, so devastating. Thanks for sharing your family’s story – & may your grandfather’s positive, loving legacy live on throughout the rest of the year.
So sorry for your loss. Praying you remember the good times. Love that you are giving this space for a memorial.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Time can sometimes soften the sting of grief, but it never goes away. Thank you for sharing this personal story.
I’m sorry for your family’s loss. Today is a hard day for our family as well as we lost our matriarch. Hugs to you.
That’s horrible, I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. I had my first episode of depression after a bad trauma when I was 12, I know 12 is not 6 but I remember feeling just like you: “bad things are happening in the world and I don’t understand how other kids are so happy all of the time” that’s spot on.
That’s such an horrible thing to live at that young age, sending love your way
Sending you lots of love. I lost my father and grandparents, but thankfully not in such a violent way. Hoping you find peace on your grief journey.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been so overwhelming for you and your family. I’m glad that you are able to think back on the good times in remembrance of him!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Even at such a young age – maybe especially at a young age A circumstances shape and mold our minds. How I wish not only that you didn’t have to experience that grief or unsettling feeling or be sad when others were joyous – I wish so much more than he was still here today or at least lived his life to the fullest u til it was his time to go. What a horrible tragedy and my heart hurts for you and your family while you remember him.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is awful for a child. I know because my mom died when I was 16. It was brutal and it sent me into a tailspin that was hard to recover from, took me literally years. Brutal. Children should not have to go through it, I so wish they never had to.
I’m so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking. I just had someone killed in my family recently. It is so much to process, and I can’t even imagine that you had to go through that at such a young age. I love that you’re deciding to focus on his memories.
What a sad story, I’m so sorry to hear you went through this. And thank you for being brave by sharing it with us all.
So so sorry for your loss, losing your grandpa at such a young age. I’m so glad you have some nice memories of him.
I can’t imagine experiencing that as a child. I’m very sorry for your loss and the trauma your family experienced.
Losing a loved one is so devastating, and it never really gets easier. It does become less painful, though, and there is peace and comfort in that I think.
That is such a horrible and sudden way to lose someone. So sorry you experienced it so young (and your family as well).. I am still getting over my dad’s passing in November last year after his fight with cancer. But yes, the good memories do help..
Thank you for sharing this story. It’s devastating but definitely should be shared.
that is terrible, i am so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry for your loss. That is heartbreaking, especially to go through that at such a young age.
I’m so sorry you had to experience this, especially at such a young age. I can’t even imagine how hard that would be.
omg I’m so sorry! this is a big thing to go through at such a young age
I went to school with Peter. Loved his Dad he was such a great guy. Many fond memories of him watching our football games.