The other day on Facebook I shared that I called my kid an asshole — and meant it. And I started thinking about all the people I likely pissed off; all of the moms (& dads) who would never dare call their kids an asshole, let alone share it on social media.
And calling my kid an asshole doesn’t mean I don’t love him more than words can say (and more than NACHOS — that is real love ya’ll). In fact, I can’t even believe that I could love a little human THIS MUCH. But that doesn’t mean he’s perfect. Sure, he’s super cute. And he says awesome things. But he also says crappy things. Like telling me to go away when he doesn’t want me around (ouch). I just have the balls to admit it.
Also, check out this awesome blog post from Scary Mommy about parenting just being damn hard! Ha! The truth in it is amazing.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re completely unqualified to be a grown-up, let alone a parent;
If you’ve ever thought I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing;
If you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep at night because your child was hurt or scared or in trouble and you didn’t know how to help or couldn’t help or thought that maybe this once you shouldn’t help;
If you’ve ever sat in the bathroom for five, ten, fifteen minutes pretending to be pooping while you scroll though Facebook or text your BFF about the assholery that is toddlerhood (“assholery” is a word, right?);
If you’ve ever hidden in the car or pretended to fold laundry or taken an extra-long time sorting socks just for a few minutes alone;
If you’ve ever wondered how it’s possible to love your child with all your heart while not liking them very much;
If you’ve ever wanted to ditch your family to spend a night or two or three in a hotel by yourself, ordering room service and watching Lifetime movies the entire time;
If you’ve ever actually ditched your family for a night or two or three in a hotel by yourself, ordering room service and watching Lifetime movies the entire time;
If you’ve ever been frustrated or annoyed or angry that your kid is THAT kid and wondered why everything has to be so goddamn hard;
If you’ve ever regretted having kids – if only for a moment – only to immediately be consumed by guilt for having that thought, however fleeting, in the first place;
If you’ve ever wondered why you dropped eighty grand on that college education only to clean boogers and wipe butts and refer to yourself in the third person;
If you’ve ever muttered fuck you under your breath at your kids or your husband or both;
If you’ve ever wondered what your life would have looked without kids; or
If you’ve ever felt your heart swell ten sizes at once, cried tears of gratitude and awe, and understood what they meant when they said being a parent is like carrying your heart outside your body, then
Please know that IT’S NOT JUST YOU.
Well said, Scary Mommy. Well said.