The other day on Facebook I shared that I called my kid an asshole — and meant it. And I started thinking about all the people I likely pissed off; all of the moms (& dads) who would never dare call their kids an asshole, let alone share it on social media.

But truthfully? They’re lying. Everyone thinks their kid is an asshole sometimes. And if you really and truly cannot comprehend that? Then you are either not a parent. Or you, in fact, are the asshole.

And calling my kid an asshole doesn’t mean I don’t love him more than words can say (and more than NACHOS — that is real love ya’ll). In fact, I can’t even believe that I could love a little human THIS MUCH. But that doesn’t mean he’s perfect. Sure, he’s super cute. And he says awesome things. But he also says crappy things. Like telling me to go away when he doesn’t want me around (ouch). I just have the balls to admit it.

So parents — if you are knee-deep in the terrible twos and you feel like no one else understands how you can both love and despise your kid at the same time — find solace in the fact that we all feel you. You don’t have to like your kid as he’s throwing a tantrum on the floor of Target; you don’t have to like your kid as he throws french fries on the ground at Chick-Fil-A and refuses to eat anything and everything; and you certainly don’t have to like your kid as he’s bossing you around to change the channel on the TV. And that doesn’t mean that you don’t love him more than words can say.

It’s a good thing that those moments of pure and utter sweetness completely and totally makeup for any assholery. And that, my friends, is why we do this parenting thing. And that is real love. ♥

Also, check out this awesome blog post from Scary Mommy about parenting just being damn hard! Ha! The truth in it is amazing.


If you’ve ever felt like you’re completely unqualified to be a grown-up, let alone a parent;

If you’ve ever thought I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing;

If you’ve ever cried yourself to sleep at night because your child was hurt or scared or in trouble and you didn’t know how to help or couldn’t help or thought that maybe this once you shouldn’t help;

If you’ve ever sat in the bathroom for five, ten, fifteen minutes pretending to be pooping while you scroll though Facebook or text your BFF about the assholery that is toddlerhood (“assholery” is a word, right?);

If you’ve ever hidden in the car or pretended to fold laundry or taken an extra-long time sorting socks just for a few minutes alone;

If you’ve ever wondered how it’s possible to love your child with all your heart while not liking them very much;

If you’ve ever wanted to ditch your family to spend a night or two or three in a hotel by yourself, ordering room service and watching Lifetime movies the entire time;

If you’ve ever actually ditched your family for a night or two or three in a hotel by yourself, ordering room service and watching Lifetime movies the entire time;

If you’ve ever been frustrated or annoyed or angry that your kid is THAT kid and wondered why everything has to be so goddamn hard;

If you’ve ever regretted having kids – if only for a moment – only to immediately be consumed by guilt for having that thought, however fleeting, in the first place;

If you’ve ever wondered why you dropped eighty grand on that college education only to clean boogers and wipe butts and refer to yourself in the third person;

If you’ve ever muttered fuck you under your breath at your kids or your husband or both;

If you’ve ever wondered what your life would have looked without kids; or

If you’ve ever felt your heart swell ten sizes at once, cried tears of gratitude and awe, and understood what they meant when they said being a parent is like carrying your heart outside your body, then

Please know that IT’S NOT JUST YOU.

Well said, Scary Mommy. Well said.

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