Why am I doing this?

August 25, 2012 in truth,yoga

I left work {on time!! – this is a feat in itself!} Tuesday and headed to the west side of Akron with one goal in mind: go to yoga.

I had some time to spare between work + yoga and had to grab a couple of things from the  mall, so I made a pit stop. While I was wandering, this internal dialogue was going on in my head:

I’m so tired. Do I really want to go to yoga? Ugh. I know I should, but I’m so tired. And my body is so pregnant. And it’s difficult to move through poses. Maybe that’s why I need to go. Yes, that is why I need to go. OK. I’m going. But I’m just so tired. Shouldn’t I go home and rest on the couch? Go to bed early? Sigh.

I drove across the street to the yoga studio. I got out of my car and forced myself to go inside. I put my mat down, I changed into my yoga gear and I committed to it.

The yoga teacher started class by talking about an internal struggle she personally had while going for a run. She wanted to give up, but she asked herself “Why am I doing this?” And then she answered her own question.

It really resonated with me at that moment. Part of every yoga practice is to be present. It’s something that I constantly am reminding myself, and a huge struggle for me. In a way, I had one of these very moments just prior to committing to being on my mat that night.

I realized what really brought me to that particular yoga class was on the most basic level, my need to stretch. But much more than that, was the need for community. I use to spend all of my time at the studio. Now that I’m {very} pregnant, I’m less mobile and feel much more physical and emotional uncomfortable on my mat. But I miss class. I miss the studio. I miss the people and the teachers.

When I started to think about it, we have these moments each day of our lives. Personally, I know I question pretty much every decision I make. It’s time to start answering myself honestly and acknowledging the reasons, the good and the bad, that I am doing this; that I am being present in this moment; regardless of how superficial those reasons may be. It opens up a huge path to discovering more about your authentic self.

And I’m all about that self-discovery. And these little gems of wisdom are just another reason I will continue to visit my yoga mat.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracy
Twitter: tracytilly
August 25, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Thank you. I have this struggle too but I know you’re making some really great decisions!

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Julie August 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

I really wish I could find a connection with me and yoga but I haven’t. It could be the teacher, she’s a bit weird but I pursued other classes at the gym instead.

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fizzgig August 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

i love this, good for you!!

it’s so hard to stay in the moment, and the fact that you are already practicing this, will probably help you with motherhood. (not that i know a single thing about it…) i can’t imagine all the things you will be thinking about with the future of your child, and sometimes it helps to just come back, and remember why you are here, in this moment, right now….today.

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Rachel August 26, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Let’s face it – I know nothing about motherhood either! Ha! I think it’s healthy for everyone to acknowledge what they’re feeling when they’re feeling and why. Helps us understand ourselves better 🙂

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LWLH August 26, 2012 at 11:15 pm

I think I ask myself that alot, but not in a way like that….maybe I should start gaining some perspective with the things I do 🙂

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