Things I’m Afraid To Tell You.

May 30, 2012 in life

This weekend I was catching up on some blog reading and could not have been more thrilled to have read an eye opening post from Amy, of Coffee & Sunshine. Amy and friends have been discussing how sometimes the blogging community suffers from a lack of transparency. It’s unhealthy for us all to believe that our blogging friends fail to suffer from the same real-life situations as the rest of us. And it’s hard for us not to compare our ho-hum lives to those of the seemingly perfect blog friends we’ve made.

We should stop asking ourselves how and why so-and-so has such a perfect life/perfect house/perfect relationship/perfect children/etc. Because let’s face it — no one does.

So I’m going to follow in Amy’s footsteps and tell you all some things about me that aren’t perfect. In fact, things that are far from perfect — but things that are real. A few things I’m afraid to tell you…

  1. I sometimes get some seriously severe anxiety. Like being in crowds (large or small) can send me into panic mode… fast. Especially sporting events. And not just because I’m pregnant… Large crowds of drunk people and drinking non-stop are the exact opposite of my idea of a good time. And always have been. It increases my anxiety just thinking about it. It’s embarrassing.
  2. I have debt. I’m not talking a little debt; I’m talking an overwhelming amount of student loans. This probably adds to some of my anxiety. I often feel like I’m being smothered by my student loans (and some consumer debt — which seems teeny tiny in comparison to my student loans). One of my biggest (and only) regrets is listening to every guidance counselor who said “Just go to school wherever you want — student loan rates aren’t something you should worry about.” I could scream at these guidance counselors. This causes me a lot of sleepless nights. A lot.
  3. I have significant body image issues. I mean, I know everyone does. But it’s something that I’ve struggled with all of my life. And there has only been one time in my life where I was chubby — freshman year of college {should be no surprise}. But even when I was super skinny, I felt still not right where I needed to be. I should probably go to therapy for it. But for now I’ll just deal with it on my own. It’s been working {with moderate success} for about 7 years.

There it is. All my dirt. The ugly stuff. The stuff I’m choosing to put out there — for better or worse.

Is there anything that you want to throw out there and get off your chest? Feel free to get it all out in the comments!

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Amanda May 30, 2012 at 10:13 am

I have a large amount of student loan debt as well, I went to a rather expensive private college outside of Columbus and really racked it up. No one told me how hard it would be to pay off either and that it would cause many tears and sleepless nights. I will be almost 40 by the time my loans are paid off and I’m scared they will keep me from retiring early like I want to.

I would say my other thing I don’t talk about much is my fear of being alone – there is nothing that scares me more. I know that I’m getting married soon but not being in a relationship scares me to death. If something were to happen to my fiance I don’t know what I would do, I would be so lost without him.

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Chele May 30, 2012 at 10:24 am

Great topic! I agree that readers DO think we have a candy-coated world.

I’ll share… I am not in a committed relationship with the guy I love. I have chosen to not date anyone else. Sure, I’d like more from this guy… but I know that he can’t do it at this point in his life. I also know that he sees other people and has been with other people.

But in a strange way, it works for me now. It has worked for just over two years. But I don’t think it will work for much longer.

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Jenny @ Practically Perfect...
Twitter: americanrninnz
May 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Thank you so much for sharing 🙂 I think it’s incredibly refreshing when bloggers are open and honest about things. We’re not perfect, and I know that I’m tempted to pretend that I am (hello – my blog name is “Practically Perfect”, ha ha!). I may take a page from your book and do a similar post later this week…

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fizzgig May 30, 2012 at 7:52 pm

the thing about sharing all your junk is, you learn, you aren’t the only one with the junk!! There is nothing like coming “clean” with something and having just that one person that can relate to whatever it is you are going thru!

Body image, psh, I got that! I did go to therapy for many of my issues, including this!! And I found after a lot of money, that it is all in my head. Once I started to do things for myself that made ME happy, it moved to the back burner. It wasnt about having the perfect body (no such thing!) It’s all about making yourself proud. Setting small goals and meeting them, and being happy with what you have done! Until you change your perception of yourself, the rest won’t change. And after all the money and time I spent in therapy, what clicked for me was reading “change your thoughts, change your life” by wayne dyer.

All the happiness in the world is available for you, if you allow yourself to find it!!

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Jen @ A Daily Dose of Davis May 31, 2012 at 12:05 am

Oh honey…I SO here you on this one!!! I was just talking to my friend the other day about how hard the blogworld has made every decision I have to make as a parent. I mean, you read about these “perfect moms” and their organically fed, cloth-diapered, reading-at-the-age-of-2 children and you think, “Whhhaaaat am I doing wrong?”!! I second guess EVERY decision I make. Truth be told…a lot of that has to do with my own mom insecurities, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that reading blogs (and Facebook and twitter) doesn’t make it worse.

I love your honesty here honey and although my student loan debt is not that overwhelming, I still have it, along with body issues and anxiety. So I hear ya girl!!! Wish we lived closer so you could come over and we could drink sparkling grape juice and vent about the blog world. Haha!

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Valorie
Twitter: thevalorieclark
June 1, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I love this! I try to be transparent on my blog a lot, but it’s hard. And I hate that people seem so perfect online when they really can’t be. Per your suggestion to share, I’ll share my big thing I’m afraid to say online. I’m working on a project to talk about this more, but this comment is the actual first time I’m putting it on the internet.

I am terrified of being alone. Not like living alone – I love that. I hate being single. I hate it so much that I haven’t been single for more than a few weeks since fall ’09. I dated people I didn’t even really LIKE just so I didn’t have to be alone.

So yeah. That’s my major imperfection.

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Tracy
Twitter: tracytilly
June 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Rachel,

I think it was so brave of you to share those things that you were afraid to share. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned over the past year is that you never know what someone else is going through… and I hope you know are strong you are and how many people care about you!!

Sending hugs and strength!
Tracy

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