getting this off my chest.

February 8, 2010 in about me,BF,love,my beef

I had a post for today ready to go, but I’ve got something else on my mind…

I’ve recently been out with some friends (OK, truthfully it was a friend and some other acquaintances). They started asking about this boyfriend of mine. So I answer their questions… about when he’s planning on moving here, how long we’ve been dating, what our plans are for ourselves…. {typically things I don’t mind talking about–let’s face it! this is an exciting time in our lives}

until…

they decide to give their unsolicited relationship advice.

Don’t think just because he’s going to move here that you two will get married,” or “Just watch out for yourself, that’s all I’m gonna say.”

Really?? IS that all your going to say? Cause I don’t really think it is.

I get that people are jaded, but I hate when they look at me with those “You’re so young, you couldn’t possibly understand what relationships are like, you think you’ve found the one, but you haven’t” looks.

I just want to scream at these people “You don’t know me. More importantly, you do not know US.”

But I’m not going to preach to these people about how “we’re different.” I don’t need to convince them, or anyone for that matter. I’m not expecting anyone to be happy for us, but I’m certainly not looking for people to share with me their opinions of my relationship either.

Sorry for the vent session… I just really needed to get this out.

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Lil' Woman February 8, 2010 at 11:24 am

Ugh, who says that!
Don't worry about those people girl.
Me and Big Man went through the same thing, alot of people thought it wouldn't last and look at us 3 years later, got some bling and a wedding to plan 🙂

You two are the only ones who truly know your relationship and from what I see, I see alot of love between you's. I don't know how many other people would drive from New York to Ohio every other weekend! 🙂

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tracytilly14 February 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Rachel – I’m sorry you had to deal with such crappy, bitter, annoying people this weekend. You’re SO right: they don’t know you, your bf or you two, together. I even know when we first met how we talked about those naysayers. Trust me: people only have THEIR own experiences (or friends’ experiences) to base things on. People have become jaded, people have stopped believing in true love and the fact that it exists. People want to tell you things because if they can’t have it then they don’t want you to have it either (or they just don’t think it’s actually possible because they don’t have it). They may not think they are being this way, but they are.

For all of your loyal readers out there (and none of which should be culprits of the bitterness!)… I did get to meet Rachel’s bf last weekend and they are absolutely adorable and completely in love. This distance is difficult for both of them and I can’t wait for both to get started in furthering their love story in the same city. It’s not my job to defend since their love doesn’t need it… but I thought I would add that in here!

Love like this doesn’t happen that often and when it does people should be in awe as opposed to offering their jaded, trite, advice.

Love,
Tracy

PS – If you ever want to get together and gush about our phenomenal men then you know where to reach me 🙂

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LawGirl February 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm

You SHOULD expect your FRIENDS to be happy for you guys, that's their job, to share in the good and the bad times. More importantly, you guys are the only ones who know your relationship. Staying together while you're so far apart is hard, I know that myself, but when you do it, and you stay strong and keep falling more in love, then that says a lot!

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Josh February 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Hang in there. I spent three years in a long-distance relationship when I moved here, and we remained close for two years after we recognized we were heading in vastly different directions in our lives (she has since passed away and I'm still very much involved in a circle of friends who have carried on her legacy).

People gave similar “advice” to me — until they saw pictures of us together. We knew who we were and what we wanted, and we worked hard at it — harder than a lot of people who have spent decades together ever work.

Don't let anybody who (a) has never maintained a long-term, long-distance relationship and (b) has never seen you together as a couple tell you how it is.

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Analiese February 8, 2010 at 12:37 pm

In my experience, people who say those sorts of things are typically just jealous and/or want to feel like they have something important to say, regardless of how much they understand (or don't understand) the situation.

My fiance travels a lot for work, and about six months before we got engaged, I was at a party where this girl was giving me a hard time about it, saying things like “distance can really take a toll on a relationship” etc. etc. I was like, “Um, thanks for sharing your thoughts, but actually we're great.” It's weird how people feel the need to project their own insecurities onto others. Just keep your head high and don't even dignify their silliness with a response!

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Simply Valorie February 8, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Unsolicited “advice” is always the worst! Everyone time it happens I really want to tell people to shut their mouths because they don't know me or the situation or whatever. Their insecurities aren't appreciated!

I just recently mentioned you on my blog as someone who assures me that distance DOES work, so it kind of amuses me that these comments would come so soon after. Keep your head up, they don't know what they're talking about. 🙂

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{JANE} February 8, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Wow, women like that really bother me. I just feel like they are jealous and have nothing better to do than to try bring you to their level of loneliness. It's happened to me before too!

But, we are not all like that thank goodness, and I'd like you to know I think you have a great catch and that I am VERY happy for you!

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Jessica February 8, 2010 at 3:17 pm

Girl.friend. You can always, always, always vent here. You know that we will listen. And, I have no advice, I mean, for you and BF. That's your business, sweetheart and you will do what you want to do for your own reasons. I know that you're a smart girl and if your heart desires to hang on and be hopeful, and not only hopeful, but confident that things will happen the way you want them to, DO IT! I'm sure that BF is a fabulous guy and I'm sure that you know what you're doing…regardless of your age.

You're beautiful and intelligent. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

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TheAnalyst February 8, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Ugh, typical. When I experience people like that, I just remind myself that they usually focus the bad on you b/c they are unhappy about something in their lives. And if they keep at it, tell them you will ask for their advice 40 years down the road when they have been in a happily married relationship for over 20+ years, otherwise you didn't ask for their two cents so they can suck it.

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Mrs. Lopez February 8, 2010 at 6:21 pm

That sux im sorry. I hate it when people do that. Just shrug it off and dont worry about them. Youre right everyones relationship is different and it doesnt matter how old you are. You two are the only ones that know your relationship inside and out.

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Jenny @ Practically Perfect... February 8, 2010 at 9:57 pm

I hate unsolicited relationship advice! I work in a department full of divorcees, and when I first started I would get comments about how “marriages don't last” and how just because you think you know someone, they can still turn out to be an a**. It used to drive me nuts, but now I pretty much just ignore it. Those women are bitter, and I feel badly that things went south for them, but that doesn't mean that the whole world is like that!

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Katelin February 9, 2010 at 1:02 am

ugh i hate when people put their unnecessary two cents in when you definitely didn't ask for it. just ugh to them.

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alexa - cleveland's a plum February 9, 2010 at 1:38 am

these people sound miserable, absolutely miserable.

don't let um get you down.

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Cristin February 9, 2010 at 3:07 am

I don't think that way at all about you and Chad. Especially after seeing the difference in you from pre-bf to post-bf. 🙂 I know it's tough that you are apart right now but I really root for you guys!

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Gretchen February 9, 2010 at 4:10 am

Ugh! I can completely understand. If it helps, my relationship with my boyfriend (now husband!!!) didn't make sense to anyone else other than us, even my best friends who probably knew every single detail. It's completely true that no one can know what goes on in your relationship. You are totally right to be annoyed and need to vent, but keep your optimism and enjoy getting to be with your boyfriend when you're living in the same place!

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~M~ February 9, 2010 at 4:28 am

Ugh, people are soooo rude sometimes!!!

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Jamie Pickle February 9, 2010 at 7:53 pm

What a horribly rude thing to say to someone. I mean, it would be one thing if you asked for their advice, but to just flat out say something like this…crazy. Anyways, all that matters is the two of you. You obviously are secure in your relationship.

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C'est La Vie February 9, 2010 at 8:04 pm

Hey, I'm Sara, just ran into you and wanted to share my thoughts

Don't listen to what others have to say, just do things on your own. Only YOU can make those decisions, and in time they may come to regret what they said. YOU are the only one that knows YOU.

Good luck!

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RAW February 9, 2010 at 8:08 pm

“You don't know me. More importantly, you don't know us.”

What you said (or wish you could have screamed) is spot on. Every situation is different, and while I realize that people think they know what's best, a lot of times they don't. Especially when they don't know you and your situation personally.

And it's always hard to decipher people's intentions. Maybe I'm too suspicious of others, but it's hard to say when people are being genuine and when they're just jealous and trying to stir trouble/emotions.

Anyhow, sorry this happened. Hugs!

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Gwen February 10, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Some people suck. They don't stop to think that you don't want their opinion. Avoid those people if you can. LOL!!! Or next time just push them over. Hope you are having a great week!! XOXO

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Kelly February 10, 2010 at 2:39 pm

People that don't know you personally shouldn't think that you want their advice. Long distance relationships are hard enough without others trying to bring them down. Your relationship will work because you are willing to work at it, no matter what the distance is between you too.

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Molly February 11, 2010 at 12:59 am

Boo to them. You know your plans and you know your man. You are not too young either!
I met the hubs when I was 17 and we've been together 8 years. The first year was long distance from NY to FL, and it was very hard. Hard to explain how we felt to people, too.
Sometimes, people get lucky, and just “know”. I was one of those people and I think you are too. 🙂

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Carolyn February 12, 2010 at 4:55 pm

All I have to say is… EW RUDE!!! I detest unsolicited advice, ESP when it's not coming from close friends or family.

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~**Dawn**~ February 18, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Ah, people & their opinions. They forget that we all have one & no one is interested in anyone else's unless specifically asking. Bottom line is who cares what anyone else thinks about *your* relationship. Unless you're being abused or he's doing/dealing drugs or stealing from you or some other equally heinous behavior, they need to butt out. Anything that needs to be prefaced with “now don't get mad but…” or “all I'm going to say is…” should be left unsaid. =P And yes, I practice what I preach.

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Nicole-Lynn March 12, 2010 at 5:22 pm

I'm sorry you're feeling judged…especially by your friends. I have been in your shoes! My fiance and I dated for 8 years before we got engaged, we're high school sweethearts so everyone expected us to get married of course. Well, we got engaged when the timing was right for both of us. Patience was really hard for me mostly, but it all worked out the way God wanted it to in the end and I am so happy. I guess my advice would be to thank them for their support (or whatever you would call that!) and say you're happy and that's all that matters. Mostly people judge when they're insecure about something going on in their lives so just remember that 🙂

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