lost. if found, please return to…. ?

April 7, 2009 in job

I am an emotional roller coaster. Seriously.


I had a semi rough day at work. My manager keeps saying there is a “perception” of me that is less than awesome. To sum it up, women do not like when other, younger, women are their teachers. Now this is just a fraction of the people that I have to train, and, instead of taking their comments with a grain of salt, my manager feeds off of them. She kept referring to my “need to mend bridges.” Mind you, I have burned few bridges in my life, and those that I have burned, were not professional bridges. They were personal bridges. I kept telling her that this perception she has is shared by very few people. She is actually spreading the perception by even buying into it to begin with. This is supposed to be the person that supports my professional development and she cuts me down with bogus thoughts.

After this ridiculousness today, I actually had a decent day with the same people who, supposedly, hate me. I did have a good lunch with NIM. I feel bad because every time we see each other lately we both seem to be having a rough go at it (and by it, I mean everything). I feel guilty for unloading. We both look like we’re going to cry. Are our lives really this rough? We are both seriously suffering from some work issues. Neither of us should be caring as much as we do about work, and, we are not being acknowledged as we should be about how much we do put in.

So regardless of the stresses of the day, I was super pumped because I had a phone interview this afternoon. It went really well. It went on for about 45 minutes. He was a really cool dude. JM is right… this sounds like an awesome guy to work for. After he asked me tons of questions he told me he “wasn’t gonna lie.” And that he “did his research about me well before calling,” but had originally given the impression that he was doing the ‘just getting to know ya’ kinda thing.

When I got off the phone, I was so excited! SO EXCITED!

This was followed by an almost immediate panic attack.

What if I get it? What if I don’t? Which of these situations do I really prefer? Both for different reasons… SIGH. This potential decision would mean that I have to evaluate everything in my life. I’ve already been doing mini-evaluations of my life. And it sucks. I hate making decisions about life… like, real life decisions. I do not trust my judgements.. this is because I have a history of choosing the wrong path.

UGH.

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